Sunday, June 3, 2012

Daddy I want a puppy too!

Last night my husband and I went to a play party. It's the first time we've been to a one in years. Years. Jeez, just thinking about it makes me feel old!

Anyway, that's so not my point. We had a wonderful time. And part of what made my night so interesting and wonderful is that I got to watch a woman play with a puppy - that's my point. I have no clue who the puppy is, and it's kinda driving me mad not knowing. I'm not even sure what I would do with the knowledge beyond reading his fetlife profile, if he has one. I'm way too shy to message him. Besides, I don't want to be the creepy old woman that tells him he's hot. I'm assuming he's male because of his 'package' and the fact I heard the lady say 'good boy' at one point.

And yes I looked at his package, it was hard not to! I was sitting upstairs with my husband while he was putting gloves on. I think I might have been in a bit of a haze, because suddenly there was a puppy just a few feet from me, squatting and putting on gloves. I'm a pervert, I looked.

I've never really seen puppy play before. Years ago now, at the Church street fetish fair, I saw puppies playing in the park. I watched for quite some time, entranced. It had a dog-fight feel (which I didn't like), as there were all these people with puppies standing in a circle with two puppies in the center sniffing and rough-housing. As much as it intrigued me, I... just didn't get it.

I digress, again.

Last night I was fascinated once more. The combination of leather and muscular kneeling male really does something to me. I felt like a creepy old pervert (and more so for admitting it), but I loved watching him. Just the simple play of his muscles under his skin, they way he shuddered when he was petted was delicious. But mostly, I just really really wanted to pet him.

Then I saw the lady play with him and I creamed my panties.

I don't know if that's how all puppy play goes, but oh my. It was hot. So hot.

I cannot stop thinking about the puppy!!

Hopefully we'll continue to go to events. Aside from really enjoying playing in public again and whatnot, I hope to get another chance to see this puppy, or some other. And hopefully, someday I'll be brave enough to first ask about his owner, and second ask said owner permission to pet the puppy.

That last part will be really hard for me. I have... issues, though, don't we all? And I... I don't feel like I have anything to recommend myself to strangers. I want to say I don't feel worthy, but I'm not sure that's right at all. I don't feel... desirable. I know my husband wants me, but he loves me; he's biased. I worry about interacting with strangers. My life experiences thus far have taught me that nine times out of ten the reaction I get can be summed up in one thought: "oh god, please no".

I guess it all boils down to being terrified of rejection. Rejection that I feel is mostly justified, though that doesn't make it hurt any less. I mean, I'm ogre sized - tall, wide, and really really fat. I'm a terrible submissive. I'm shy, sometimes painfully so, but I also randomly speak without thinking and often make not great first impressions. So yeah, I expect to be rejected. I can be fairly oblivious, but I see the looks of disgust I get every day on the street. Kinky people are just people after all, why should they be any different?