Friday, December 17, 2010

Last Night's Dream

I had the strangest dream last night. Long, complicated, and rather interesting. I think it will end up making a very good short story, but if I don't record it, I'll forget!

It starts out, I am the 20-ish daughter of a single mom with a younger sister and brother. I was hanging out with my cousin, who was about the same age as me, in my bedroom in the back of our apartment. I had to pee and went off in search of a free bathroom. I found both my sister and brother in our 2 bathtubs. As I was heading back to my sister to get her to hurry, since she was older, I saw two tall young men prowling through our apartment. They struck fear into my heart. I motioned to my sister to be still and silent as they passed. I heard them head to my room where they found my cousin. They dragged her into the living room. It was clear to me they were goint to rape and torture her. They hadn't found my mom in her office. Our only hope was that she'd heard and was calling the police.

I ran silently to my brother while they were busy, making it just in time. In trying to warn him, I dropped the shower curtain, and half fell into the tub myself. They heard me. I hid my brother behind the tub, and made like I was the one in the bath. I didn't wan them to get their hands on him!

They found me, and with evil demented laughter the taller, skinnier, black haired one tried to drown me. But for some reason it didn't work. He rapped me, anally even, over the side of the tub. All the water I'd breathed through came up, and thn I nearly drowned! But I survived, only to have the chubby one come in with my mom and sister. Then they pulled out my little brother.... One pulled out a machete, the other demon went and got a chainsaw from somewhere. All the while they laughed like it was great fun.

I knew what they were going to do. I covered my face with my hands and started babbling. I knew then it was a dream and I wanted out, only I was way too panicked to remember the words or to concentrate. I heard the chainsaw start, I heard the wet ripping sounds, my mind filled in the banks, and in the sudden silence, I heard the pieces drop.

I was hyperventilating, on my way to passing out when the dark haired one grabbed a fistful of my hair and slammed my face into the porcelain. Bloodied, but still, somehow with all my teeth, I looked up at him. His face was ghostly white. His eyes looked like they were bleeding black, his teeth, black stained fangs. Fear rose hard and heavy. I forced his erection in my mouth, came all over my face, made me swallow some of it, then asked if it burned. As he asked, I realized it did. It, really did. Like hellfire. 'Welcome to death', he said then. My heart sunk. Until that moment I'd been hoping to survive.

The landscape changed then, and I was watching as my mother and siblings braved a daring rescue. They young men weren't human, human weapons did nothing. Hell, I chopped off half his face and still the one tormenting me lived! They were new to their demon status though, and didn't know themselves, it allowed us to escape through a window.

We fled in my mom's little car, somehow finding my aunt the witch. She helped us escape to Mexico, from southern California, only they found us! We were disguised, but my cousin and I both had tattoos, which gave us away.

My aunt stopped time long enough for us to get away. She sent us on a boat, sending us speeding south, holding on for dear life. When we arrived, it as just the two of us, my cousin and I. We guessed my aunt realized my family would be safer without us.

We were in a little fishing village, neither of us, spoke much Spanish, but somehow we managed to learn, and gets jobs on the boats.

Fast forward to almost a year later. I'm the captain of our little boat, we head out to sea, only to come on a fast breaking storm. The waves were so high! We battled for half an hour, before the ship capsized, and I went down with it. We weren't the only boat in the water and as I slowly went down I saw the other crews floating. They were all headed out to sea. I reached the sandy bottom, and saw shore was the other way. There must have been a rescue ship. I stayed low. I knew the storm wasn't natural. It was they boys coming after us. They couldn't find me with the crew. I wanted to head to the shore, but the current was far too strong. So I had to wait. Finally, I came up, but I was in Oregon, of all places.

I was on shore of what must have been a military base... They were doing some kind of war training, different teams, but they were torturing, raping... I couldn't stand it. I went into their camps at night (they were living in tents and make-shift shelters), and strung up the rapists, hung them from trees. I didn't kill them, just scared them, singled them out, terrorized them. Finally, their commander, a handsome blond man found me. I was like something wild...

Things get foggy... I ended up on his sailing yacht, working it with him... In a relationship...with him... He promised to keep me safe from the demons..... My cousin and I ended up double crossing the boys, aka the demons. Well, my other cousin. The one I was first with, she died in the ocean...or was lost to the ocean, I'm not sure which. This cousin was another brave young woman... A witch, the other's sister, I believe.  She was going to teach the one that tormented me a lesson.....  The other we fed to the sea.

Whoo. And now I need to shower and get something warm on! Brrr!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Taste.......

"Well, well, well... What do we have here?" Jazz asked as she surveyed the scene.

She'd expected to find Dawson and his wife, or rather the woman that posed at his wife when she broke into his house, however, she didn't expect to find another women with them. She certainly didn't expect to find the two women naked, gagged, and bound with their hands behind their backs. Nor did she expect to find John in his boxer-briefs welding a leather flogger. She most certainly didn't expect to be hit with the wall of lust that was now burning into her brain.

Dawson turned and smiled at her, "This is a pleasant surprise! Jazz, I'd like you to meet my partner Eileen, and her friend Kaitlin," he said pointing the flogger at them in turn.

Eileen was a slim woman with a nice figure, and skin the colour of dark honey. Her dark brown eyes held a fierce intelligence. She was most definitely sizing up Jazz, though not yet with any malice. Her shiny, thick, dark brown hair fell over her ample breasts, and down her back, almost to her ass. She had a beautiful swirling tattoo over her left hip that disappeared up her back. Jazz couldn't quite make out what it was, possibly a koi fish, something with water, that much was certain. Jazz had to resist the urge to get a better look right then and there. It made her wonder if Eileen was another water sprite.

Kaitlin was Eileen's opposite in many ways. They were both about the same size physically, but Kaitlin was light where Eileen was dark. She had thick blond hair that was up in a ponytail, bright blue eyes, and pale skin. She also had the largest breasts Jazz had ever seen, that weren't fake. Jazz couldn't stop staring at them. Kaitlin's nipples hardened as Jazz soaked in the sight of her. Her breasts were pushed out by they way she was bound making them seem all the more large and vulnerable. She had wonderful round hips, and a cute little belly. Jazz's eyes were drawn back to her marvellous breasts. Her large pale pink areolae began to crinkle as her nipples swelled. Jazz growled low in her throat. She could feel the heat, the unvented lust, coming off of Kaitlin in blistering waves. And there was nothing she wanted more than to fulfill Kaitlin's fantasy.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Does masturbation count as a workout??

What if I wanked for three hours? In a row....

Last night I believe it was, I was cuddling with my hubby, and he was looking at his blog list.... the kinky ones at least... and there was this image on that really stuck out in my mind. He was flipping through them pretty quickly, so two kind of got superimposed on my brain.

Read more to see what I'm talking about.....

Monday, December 6, 2010

Not Sexy!

It's snowing! It's so so damn pretty!!

I put up my parents Christmas Tree last week, and now there is snow.  It's offically Christmas Season for me!  I love Christmas. It's my favourite holiday.  I love all the old movies, I love the Carols, I even love the hymns!  I'm an athiest, but I can't help but sing along to 'We Three Kings'.  It's ingrained in my childhood, and I had a happy one, so all the hymn and carols are attached to wonderful Christmas memories.

There are a couple Christmas memories that are more this blog's style.  Like the xmas eve where I spent the whole night on the phone with a man, that ended in phone sex at 8:30am. lol. Gods that was hot.  Or my hubby's xmas tradition of having sex in my childhood bedroom -- this being before we were married, btw.  This will be our first xmas as a married couple.... Aww, I know. We are total goober newlyweds, I tell you what!

Hrm... What I should be telling you it something Let me think on it and get back to you this evening.. There is one thing that piqued my own interest, but it's not firmed up into a real scenario yet.... And well.. I'm not sure I want to write about phone sex man... though he did have one of the sexiest voices I've ever heard.  He could make me wet, just by hearing his voice....

Friday, December 3, 2010

Sometimes I Borrow From My Life...

This is another excerpt from my Nano novella. Part of it is very true to my life, sadly not the sexy bit. The first time I ever had baklava was at a restaurant called La Luna. They sell baklava... I was having dinner there with a female friend, she convinced me by twisting my rubber arm, to share an order of baklava. Can I just say, wowsa, sooo effing good. I had a foodgasm, and totally embarrassed my homophobic friend. It was GREAT!

I turned that experience, I hope, into something much sexier. I will let y'all be the judges.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Every once in awhile I dream of becoming an author, of actually getting paid to write, of having an audience. I always come to my senses. I am not prolfic, or that good, and mostly I don't exactly have a lot of stories to tell. Nano has helped realize not all of that is true. When I let myself have fun with plotting, lots of things come pouring out. Nano has also proved that I can write longer things, which I am really excited about.

But I still don't think I could be an author. I'm not convinced my stories are interesting enough, or that I write well enough. I need practice, but also training, I think. What has really plauged me latel, however, is the lack of audience. I feel like I'm talking to myself, and it's very depressing.

Maybe I'd just feel better if I turned comments off. Gods, I'm such a douche.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Okay, so I just. I really wanted to share something.  I went with Minxy, the friend that convinced me I really could do NaNo, to the victory party tonight. I was far too shy to read anything I brought.  Also, most of my writing is not child friendly, and there were teenagers.  Most of my writing was either violence or sex basically.... Not PG13... So yeah.

Anyway. Point.  I want to share something.  So you brave few who read get a taste.  Of the four bits I brought with me to the restaurant, this is the one hubby said y'all'd like.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I'm really proud of what I've accomplished.  And I really want to share at least part of it with you, my dear readers.   But I'm unsure of what to share. doh.

I kinda want to share the ending two paragraphs for my main characters, but I dunno if that is actually a good idea.

Bah, maybe I should just leave it the hell alone until after Christmas and then see what I have....  So torn.  I know it's NaNo, and it's supposed to be just an explosion of words... But right now that explosion of words is my baby, and I love just about every bit of it.  Doh.  Clearly I need an editor!

Final NaNo Word Count

56,156 words! 

9,759 of those since midnight last night!

Take THAT NaNoWriMo!!

I'm a Weeeeeeener!!!!

51,079 words!!!!!!

I did it!!!!

Aaaaand, I still have tomorrow to finish the scene and tie in my two story lines!  I'm not sure I can get all of it done, but hopefully most!

Yaaaay!! I did it! I did it! I did it!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Word Count!

46,397 words total!! 

3,603 words left to go!

But they will have to wait until tomorrow, bedtime now, finally.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


So yesterday I somehow managed to write 3,000 words, in the two hours I was on the GO bus going back and forth from a family function.

It was a long-ass day, and very tiring for me. I went to bed early and ended up sleeping for 12 hours!! o.0  And I'm still tired, so I'll likely need a nap this afternoon.

I'm really impressed with myself though.  3,000 words in two hours is likely a record for me!

This means I have 11,000 words to go.  In three days. oie vey. I don't know if I'm going to make it, but I'm going to try.  And my hubby is being a total slave driver about it. He keeps telling me to write, and write until my eyes bleed. It's totally annoying, and also really nice that he's being so supportive.

Off to write!  Though.. I've hit at impass on one side.  My assassin has finished her job and made it safely home.  Now I'm really not sure what to do with her next.  Do I show her at home relaxing??  Do we catch up with her on her next job??  I don't even know what her next job should be!!  If I'm following my dream, then there's stealing a car, running from the feds, a car chase, a car crash, and my girl walking away with a nasty head wound...  Why she had to steal a car, or why the feds are chasing her I have no idea. I'm not even sure we need to know why she's being chased, but it would likely be a better story if we knew why she was at a convention centre type place, and why she had to steal a car to leave, and didn't have a ride of her own... hrm...

Anyway, that bit clearly has kinks to work out.  The other bit that's the love story, I know where it needs to go, I just think I'm shit at writing arguments.  I'm not very good at arguing in the first place so yeah.. But it doesn't have to be perfect, it's a rough draft!  Even my favourite author says she struggles to get dialogue right, so I'm in good company. :)

Wish me luck!

Maybe I need to throw another random sex scene in there somewhere. ha.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Word Count.

Wrote approx. 4,800 words tonight, in....just over 5 hours?  Really not bad for me!!

36,634 total now, according to NaNo.

14,000 to go now.


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Continuity! It's important!

So I'm writing sex scene number three, and I realise, half way into the next portion of it that I forgot to remove the clothespins! Doh.  I mean, I made such a big thing about setting up a timer, and how you can't leave them on for long.  And then, by forgetting them, I left them on not only while they were snuggling, but while the pin wearer was face down, and having her ass beat! DOH!

Yeah.... So I fixed that! It totally worked out well, it made why whole scene make more sense and be more dramatic and stuff. So yay.

34,000 words. 16,000 to go. o.0  Yeah... right.... Stats

Okay, seriously, I shouldn't have looked at my stats. I'm 50% of my own audience!  That's just depressing.


Oh well. Maybe I'll figure out a way to make my blog more interesting once NaNo is over.. Or I'll just give it up entirely....

Any suggestions, oh phantom audience, for how to make this a better experience? What can I do to make this blog something people might want to read??

Ten Days....So help me Fria....

Since I can't share this bit of news on my other blog, and it's sex-related, as my blog is, I'm sharing it with ya'll.

Welcome to TMI Thursday Edition! ha.

Since getting married in October, I've had sex so few times I can count them on one hand!  *cries*  This isn't for lack of want on either side, but because my fucking cunt has been out of commission.  Damnit.  Between ineffective OTC treatments and freaking antibiotics, I've been too sore to wank or have sex 95% of the time!  OMG, I MISS ORGASMS!

Seriously folks, it's been a dry, depressing time for old Meghan here.  So!  I called my doctor today, and he told me the medication he gave me should help with what they found on the swab! This means in 10 days I should be able to have SEX again!!  And finally, I'll be able to use the new toy I bought all the way back in October that I only got to use once before all this set in!


Oh my gods, I cannot tell you how excited I am!!

I want to have so much sex I walk funny for days!  I want my man to pass out from too many orgasms in too short a time!  I want our apartment to reek of sex!  I want days of nothing but food, sex, and naked, snuggling naps.  Mmmmmm....  Want!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

NaNo Pep Talks

So, every week, heck, it feels like every few days or so, the folks at NaNoWriMo send out pep talks.  Some are by long time NaNo champs, others are by real, live, published authors.  Most of them are pretty good.  Some have made me laugh, many have made me feel less alone -- I'm not the only one struggling with word count!  But the latest one is just brilliant.

The most resent one, that I just received, made me smile and laugh out loud more than once.  I have to share the closing paragraph because it... It's just that wonderful damnit.

In short, quit. Writing a novel is a tiny candle in a dark, swirling world. It brings light and warmth and hope to the lucky few who, against insufferable odds and despite a juggernaut of irritations, find themselves in the right place to hold it. Blow it out, so our eyes will not be drawn to its power. Extinguish it so we can get some sleep. I plan to quit writing novels myself, sometime in the next hundred years. 
--Lemony Snicket

I plan to re-read this one many times.  I love it.  I love Lemony Snicket.  Heck, I have two of his? her? series even! And it's a kids book!  But I couldn't help myself.  Only lack of funds stopped me from buying the rest.  I really need to get myself a library card so I can read them! Sarcastic, funny, I just love the way Lemony writes.

And I now have some hope where before I had none.  I mean, I do kind of write for myself.  But really, if no one ever reads it, if no one ever likes it, then, well, it feels pointless.  But Lemony made such a good argument against writing, that I totally feel it's possible, someone out there might love my story they way I've loved things I couldn't share with my friends either. lol.  The hope that someone will love my work, the knowledge that that hope isn't far fetched, THAT is what makes me want to continue.  

Wow, that's a really vain reason to write isn't it?  Or maybe I'm just being realistic.  For me, writing can be fun, but usually it's frustrating, hard, fumbling, and sometimes really hot.  But it's work.  It's work that makes me feel like I've accomplished something.  It wakes my brain up, it excites me.  And yet....  I long for an audience.  I want so very much to be read, to have my work read, and liked, maybe even loved.  I have to finished it for this to happen, of course.  But I've been losing hope.  Losing hope that anyone would ever willingly read it. Lemony has given me some of that hope back.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I don't think I'm going to make it...

As of today, I'm 7,000 words down. Again.

This month has really not been kind to me, in terms of my health.  Chronic pain and crazy fatigue have eaten most of my time and energy leaving very little for anything else.

I really don't think I'm going to make it. :(

I'm still going to try.  I have to try.  But I'm so very tired, and so very very sore.  Today it even hurts to take a big breath because my back is so gods damn sore. *sigh*  I'm a pathetic cripple is what.  And I have to go to Hamilton to the doctor's today.  I'm torn between bringing my laptop and not.  I don't know if I'll have the energy to even carry it never mind writing on the bus.


I suck. Bleck.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Word Count


Yay! I'm still a little over 3 grand under, but I made up almost 7 grand tonight!! wooohooo! Go me!!

Hopefully this means I can actually DO this thing.  I have a lot more story to go, I just need to....get writing!

But not tonight, it's very late!

Oh!  And I managed a sex scene that actually turned me on! Yes!! Hopefully I can continue that trend as well!! :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Word Count

As of tomorrow I'll be 7,000 words down.


Seven Thousand Words!

I haven't been able to write all last week really, or this week so far. I've been depressed, angry, and really freaking sore a lot.  Yeah, the two do tend to coincide.


Maybe tomorrow??  Gods in all the heavens, wish me luck!  I do not want to fail.  I especially do not want to fail for not trying hard enough!  I mean, if I give it my all, and I just don't make it, that's okay.  But I feel like I haven't been giving it/my book/my writing/whatever enough attention.  Time to fix that.  I gotta try.  I've just got to.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sneak Peak

I'm trying something new.  I don't know if it will work. I'm not sure it works now.  I just... I needed a change. I needed a way to channel my anger... so this is what I got:

Meanwhile in Hell.... 
Jazz turned a corner in the maze of an office building, her boots making barely a sound on the carpeted floor. She'd memorized the blueprints of the top few floors where she knew her mark would be. Thank gods too, since this place was all muted grey walls, charcoal carpeting, black tiled floors in the main areas, and ebony wooden doors. It was far too easy to get lost in here. Some of the art that was subtlety lit even looked like originals, not that that was what Jazz was after today.


I'm angry today.  The reasons are....too personal and complicated to get into.  None of you really want to hear them anyway.

What I really want to do is beat the living shit out of someone.  Perhaps a good fight scene would suffice.  I know I certainly do NOT want to write a sex scene.

In the Anita Blake novels her men often turn her anger into lust. That just does not work for me.  When I'm angry the last thing I want is sex.  You can't turn me on when I'm angry. You just can't.  You CAN make me laugh, if you're good, and THEN once the anger has dissipated you can make me lustful.  But I do not have a anger to lust switch.  I wish I did!  Then maybe I could write the fucking sex scene that's supposed to be next.

There is no violence in my story whatsoever. I had intentions to add some but... I just.... I couldn't figure out a way.  Perhaps what creativity I have doesn't go in that direction? And yet right now, I really want to try my hand at it!  I just wish I could figure out a way to make it happen in my story.

I'm also starting to second guess my POV.  Right now I've written the story entirely in first person of my heroine.  I'm kinda wanting to add in my man's POV.  I think it might be interesting to see how they are both hiding who they are, at least in part.... But maybe it can be some kind of great shock when she finds out??

Bah.  I just don't know.

And really, when is a half-succubus female engineer ever going to get into a fight?!

I'm doing flashbacks right now, so it all has to be relevant to how she got to the point in the story I'm all tying it back to.  A fight scene would just not work.  I'm not sure there is a fight scene room in any of my early bits of the story... *sigh*

I mean, this is very boy meets girl, boy fucks girl, girl pushes boy to follow dream, girl turns into monster and runs from boy.

That's my part one all summed up.

I really don't know where I could even add a fight in there. *sigh*

I would LOVE to see Alejandro fight someone though.... but I don't think I can fit it in right now. damnit.


Friday, November 12, 2010


They, the Nano people, say week two is a struggle, and boys oh boys, they aren't kidding.

I don't think it would be half so bad if I wasn't so gosh darn tired.  I also had/have a really nasty migraine today.  Boo.

Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow, as I have plans, and Sunday, please gods let it be Sunday, I can get some actual writing in.

At least I have an idea about where to go next in my scene.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Word Count



Cause I feel the need to share.....

A snipet of what my hard work brought me today:
“I'm not made of glass,” I told him. 
“Huh?” He asked so confused he stopped thrusting. 
“Me, I'm not made of glass. You can fuck me harder than that you know.” I said pushing myself back up his cock for all I was worth. 
Alejandro groaned as I fucked myself on his cock. 
“Harder, please..please... Please Alejandro, fuck me.. fuck me,” I begged as I pushed back, grinding my ass against his hard body. 
“Oh god Maddie...” Alejandro broke off, his hands going to him my hips again. 
He grabbed me hard, pulling me even tighter to him, then he pulled out and thrust hard into my body. If it wasn't for his hands on my hips, I think he would have moved me with the power of it. He kept thrusting, hard, and slow. A wonderful, delicious, tease.

By Tooth and Nail -- 18442

I feel like I fought for every word I managed today.  I only got about 2000 words in the whole day. o.0

I don't know as I even have an excuse. I was a little distracted.. but mostly I just... It was hard. This scene was just hard for me.  And I'm still bleeding exhausted from my three days of helping my friend. I don't regret helping her, I just wish it didn't eat at me like this.  I probably should have napped today. Instead I watched Scream 2. lol.  If I can, I may just watch #3 tomorrow.  Somehow, watching the beginning of two helped me find my muse to write at least part of this scene.

Now I just need to figure out where I should go from here. hrm....  My plot outline for this section is very... vague.  I will have to think on that, and review my notes.

Dirty Hot

"What do you like to be called?"


Yup. That's right.

So hot.

I wish I could use it, but.... I want my heroine to be the one with the Daddy complex.  She didn't *have* a father or a father-figure really, so it's not..... wrong to her.  She grew up wishing she had a "Daddy", big, strong, protector... As she got older, she wanted the same things, only from the man she wanted to fuck.  Realising your daddy image is sexy hot is..... well depending how your bent, it can just be damn convenient.  Getting a man to play daddy for you, that's harder.

ACDC + Codeine.

Today I'm desperate. Mostly, desperate to not hurt.  Yesterday I spent almost the entire day I think with my jaw locked.  I never realise I'm doing it until my jaw starts aching, and I give myself an even worse headache. It's my bad habit for dealing with pain. I'm trying to break myself of it, but it sure ain't easy. So, today, I've taken muscle relaxants, in the hopes that my jaw will relax a little, and some tylenol 2s in the hopes that they will help the headache I've had for the past 48 hours that is the reason I've been clenching my jaw.  When the pain gets so bad I'm nauseous and can't think... yeah, that's where I was an hour ago, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I'm self-medicating.  But then, it's OTC muscle relaxant, and doc approved pain-killers, so... this is what they are for.

Now I've got ACDC rocking in my amazing, wonderful headphones.  Hopefully I can get through this sex scene and on with this story. Though really, I'm kinda hoping the sex scene is actually interesting. lol.  But I'm too close to it, so I really can't tell one way or the other at this point.

My AKG K514 headphones were only $90(on sale, reg. $120 I think), but they have better sound than most of the $200-$300 headphones I tested. I love, love, love them.  Seriously.
Now.. To the sex... Let's hope I can make it interesting!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Do not attempt to write sex scenes when you are exhausted and you just want cuddles. Doh.  I'm also dealing with a lot of pain, which doesn't help.  Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow so I can write this damn scene.  Seriously. Bah.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Shyness and Sex scenes

I'm at about 13,000 words now, and I'm finally, just getting to my very first sex scene of the book/rough draft I'm writing.

And... I'm having trouble writing it.  I just....  It feels lack lustre.  It feel forced.  It feels... awkward.  I think some of my awkwardness is even rubbing off on my main character, poor woman.

But I guess, as my hubby pointed out, I know there are at least three of my friends that are going to want to read/skim this when I'm done.  Friends.  Not like, strangers, or people I fuck, so they know my kinks etc anyway.  But my friends.  That totally makes it more intimate.  Thinking about them reading it, yeah, it does make it harder.

I think also, though, just... writing something and knowing I'm going to be adding sexy bits into it, when it isn't just all sex... It's harder for me.  I feel like I've already set a tone, and now I'm trying to change it, and thus it's just...all that much harder.

I don't know. It could just be that I'm utterly exhausted.  I've spent three days helping a friend to study for a very important test for her career, and now I'm totally pooped.  I so could not work full time/live a 'normal' life. I did that for three days, just three days, and now I have black circles under my eyes, I'm fever, nauseous.  I also know from experience that it's going to take at least one day of just sleeping, and possibly two more days of mostly sleeping to get me back to normal, and not be feverish. If I'm unlucky I'm going to spend the next three days feeling like I have a flu kicking my ass. :(  Fibromyalgia is one tough fucking task-master.

Sooooo, I'm likely not even going to get to work on my book until Friday again. Boo! Saturday we have plans - last weekend of the Royal Ontario Winter Fair! So maybe, maybe sometime Sunday.  Nothing has fallen on my plate for next week yet, and I seriously hope it doesn't.  I'd like to get in some actual time writing. Not this hour here, hour there, stealing time while riding the GO bus.  It's really damn distracting to have people talking on their cell phones, and stop & go traffic. Makes me so nauseous!

Anyway.  I managed about 1000 per each hour on the bus, so not bad, I don't think.  Still, finding time is hard, and I don't work! I don't know how people do it when they have other/real jobs!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Word Count


Woohooo! I wrote, like, literally, 5,000++ words in 4 hours!! Go me!!  

I totally had help because I finished the never-ending scene, and went on to one that I'd plotted out almost entirely.  Now I'm onto my first sex scene.  Well... I've set it up anyway. I'm a little nervous to start it.  I will at some point, but not tonight. It's late, and I have to get up in the morning.  A good friend needs my help, so I'm schlepping my ass to Hamilton to do math. 

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Word Count.... Status Update

I didn't write today. Not in the right head-space for it. Just...couldn't bring myself to try.

By Sunday night I have to basically double my word count to get back on track.  *Sigh*  I'm totally not sure if I can manage this. I'm just... really... not. =/

Not really a Drabble.....

With a flip of her wrist Jass popped the door lock on a shiny lexus. She loved sports cars. The stick shift, the leather seats, the speed, and the way they responded all made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, as much as she could feel warm and fuzzy. Hazard of the job, that. Jass slid her long frame low into the drivers seat, out of sight. With quick, sure hands she got the car started. She checked behind her: three suits searching the parking lot, none near by. She belted up – safety first – put the car in reverse, and drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. She reached in her bag as she got to the road, found her ipod, and plugged it into the car jack. Music blared to life. She waved at the suit closest to the road, a satisfied smile on her face. He cursed, and started yelling into his earpiece as he jogged back to his standard issues SUV. Jass shook her head. Honestly, she thought, if they really wanted to bring her in, they should have sent some actual competition. Turning the volume up, she say at the top of her lungs because in this car, on the highway, no one could hear, “Welcome to the jungle! We got fun 'n' games. We got everything you want and honey we know the names. We are the people that can find whatever you may need. If you got the money honey, we got your disease... In the jungle. Welcome to the jungle–”

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Status Update

6,133 words officially.

Not where the schedule says I should be. I'm under. But close.

It's a first effort. I just spent the past two days traveling and visiting my parents. The fact I got anything done is an accomplishment in my eyes. :)  Though what tiny competitive streak I have sees how well my friend who has been doing this for five years is doing... and I feel a lot less proud, I feel disheartened kinda.. Amazed and impressed by her for sure, but very humbled.  Clearly I'm tired, admitting what a douche I am.

In other news, I feel like I'm in the never-ending scene right now. I need a way to.. speed things up... Though that may not make sense. We'll see. Tonight I can just tell I'm done. I'm tired. I've got a nasty headache.  My husband is in bed sleeping, it's time for night night.

So good night. :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I had such a good sleep. I needed it too!

I had this LONG convoluted dream about a haunted house, and a family moving in unaware.. I was their daughter and I did NOT want to go in that house....

Then there was a Tsunami, or rather a hint of one that never actually came.. in Hawaii.  There was a family that thought this was the end of days. Even long after it didn't happen, they were convinced...

The middle son was an outcast at his highschool. His older brother was a football star.  Middle brother surfed.  On the down low.  Places where his classmates wouldn't find him. One day one of his favourite spots was overtaken by like a surfing squadron. They were from a private school. They all had shiny black and yellow uniforms/matching wetsuits.  They 'let' him stay the first day... he was in the water before hey were.  And he surfed as good as they did. better than some.  The captain/leader told him very good kid, now get out of here. outsiders are not welcome.

the son confeses to his parents he wants to go pro. he want attention now. he gets on some game show, they offer him a full scholarship to some land-locked school and he turns them down.  His faher didn't follow his dream and although happy, he still has regretted it his whole life.

He ends up going to the school, being one of their star surfers. They do some kind of surfing group competition but he loses it for his team when a little girl falls into the icy water and can't get herself out. she has luckimaia... the team ends up making her their mascott and does events to raise money for her, and cancer charities. it takes them 10 years, but they all keep at it and evetually raise 250 million!

There was also this odd sequence of being... native?  like honey skinned on some kind of tropical island, and running. being refugees. in huge groups. mass exsodus from somewhere on foot.... I don't know where that fits in.

I was also some kind of AWOL CIA agent. The dream clearly changes here.  Assassin on the run. killing, stealing cars, whatever it took to stay alive and running.  i knew lots of languages, lots of weapons, lots of ways to kill.  I killed one double agent that was trying to take me in by convincing him to take his seat belt off.  then I put on the breaks. he impalled himself with his own finger when the air bags exploded.

I have the weirdest dreams!  I'm wiritng them here so I won't forget.  Maybe I can make stories out of one of them at least.

Back On Track!

3495!! :D :D :D

Back on track in terms of word count, that is.  I should have gone to bed an hour ago. I'm exhausted. I did a lot today life-wise.  Hopefully I can sleep, and sleep in.

Tomorrow I'm going to my parents to spend some time with them. Tonight has proved to me that it won't necessarily hurt my word count.  I just need to write write write and not worry if it isn't great or particularly interesting or any of things I normally freeze over. It's a rough draft. Seeing as I've never written anything close to 50,000 words, I am just hoping to get there, not to get there gracefully.

If there ends up being anything of worth in what I've written great!  I can take the story through many iterations in January! I say January because I'm going to want a freaking break in December, besides, walking away for a bit is healthy I think.  Kim Harrison does it, and she's like my idol.  She writes my most favourite stories.  I don't aim to be like her.... not now.  Maybe 10 books from now...  Maybe...

I'm convinced the more I write, the better I'll get.  Better at letting go.  Better at listening to my characters. Better at making them feel real.  Better at making their story compelling.  All sorts.  I used to write better than I do right now, so I know I can get at least a little better.  I really do believe practice makes plateau, but I'm also sure I'm not on or (maybe?) even near mine.

Now to figure out how to get my last two paragraphs on my phone so I can write on the ride home to Hamilton tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

4 Hours Sleep! :(

This is not the way I like to start my day, let me tell you!  Didn't get to sleep until midnight, woke up at 4am, hungry and unable to go back to sleep. At first I thought it was just acid reflux. No such luck.  By the time hubby's alarm went off I was ravenous.  I hate sleeping in fits and starts like this! And I'm not going to be able to sleep all morning, I have company coming over. But I will have to nap today at some point or I'm just going to make myself sick with exhaustion. *sigh*

On the bright side, I've mapped out my first 'scene', or maybe it's a chapter? I'm not sure yet. But at least now I know what I want to happen!

I do not, however, want to spend tomorrow early morning mapping out the next one! ugh. I hope I can get some real sleep soon.

Maybe if I figure out today how to go from first kiss to first fuck I'll be able to sleep better....  I refuse to let them happen in the same night. I want this to go slowly.... but I'm not entirely sure I want to write all that.. that's not the story I'm really interested in...never have been from the start...perhaps I started my novel in the wrong spot... hrm...

I'm so tempted to tweak. I'm only 700 words in.  But if I tweak now, I may never get beyond 700 words!  No no.  This is not the time for revisions.  I'll have to muddle through somehow....  If I ever manage a second draft, then I can tweak then.

It's acceptable to skip time in a novel isn't it??  Maybe we can meet the best friend... flesh her out a bit.... I really want to just skip ahead here.. really really.  maybe I will tweak.... There beginning is just so not important to me.... gods I'm such a bitch...

Is it acceptable to begin a novel with a montage? LOL

Monday, November 1, 2010

It's a start....

723 words. That's how many I managed today.  It's a start right?  At least I got something on 'paper'.  I was worried I'd choke and have nothing to show for today.  Well, not nothing, but nothing to help WORD COUNT.

I have approx. 24 printed pages (large font though) of character descriptions & plot points/scenes.  Mostly have I have it scened out.  Like what I want to happen in the scene.  I still don't have an ending, but I'm hoping as I get into it my characters can help me get there.

Tomorrow will have more novel writing than today, I'm hoping. I also get to spend some time with a friend, and at some point I need to go to the bank.  I'm such a housewife! ha.

Night all. Happy dreams!  Last night I had plot dreams, or rather dreams that may end up in my plot... maybe... likely. haha.


This late in the day, and I have a new character brewing in my head....  I think he wants to be called Nicholas.  He's a were-tiger that works for the master vamp my heroine is fucking/dating?

I'm trying very hard not to lean on Nathaniel in Antia Blake. ugh. Do not want.  But submissive?  Maybe....

I still haven't found another vamp to get that DP scene I so want.... maybe he will show up while I wander the demon hotel & casino. ha. I just.. I can't do a 'can I introduce you to my friend...we'd like to DP you now' thing. *sigh*  So I'm not sure if that will happen.

I need to think on Nicholas.....blond? I don't have a blond yet.. not a man anyway....  I think Nick wants to be blond and blue eyed.  blue, like the sky, on a clear day...  i just can't see him any other way. with shaggy blond hair that comes over his ears and tickles his neck.

Hrm.. I think I need food before my brain goes any further. =/

GAH, GAH, GAH I say!!

I've been working on my plot today.  For almost 6 hours. It's like a real full time job, this book writing thing.

And I still haven't written a single word of my book.  But... It's coming together. I think, I HOPE having this outline will make things make some sense.  I hope...

I'm excited writing it.  It feels like it's actually coming together to me. I'm trying so hard not to write Anita Blake or Larissa Ione clone.  I'm thinking I may not even have a happy ending with like one man... I really have more of a coming of age story than a romance.. I want things to end well....but in a place where more could totally happen, and 'happily ever after' isn't a guarantee....this is, of course, all dependent on me being able to actually WRITE something.

Gah! Gah!  GAH! I say.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Plot Blocked!

So I'm stumped.  I get to the same point in the story and I think: now what??!?


I have all kinds of personal issues.  I've figured out my man's. He was easy.  My heroine - not so much.

I mean, intimacy issues aside, how does a sorta shy, sexually desperate woman find multiple partners to be at her beck and call??  She won't have just anyone. I'm not comfortable at all with the thought of the men she does meet passing her around their pack/friends. Not cool. I wouldn't let it happen to me, so neither will she.  But she still needs sex.

Perhaps I need to make her problem a little more solvable?! I mean... I was thinking three to four times a day... That means she needs to have a lunch break sex partner.. or even two during her work day... How could she even manage to work full time?!

Hum.... maybe she learns that if she feeds on dominant weres she doesn't need to feed as often?  But I want her to have vamp sex too! hrm... Hrmmm.. Damnit.



Friday, October 29, 2010

Things I've Written

I'm not sure what all I'm going to be sharing with you today. I really need to work on my halloween costume damnit.  Not much to do thankfully, but I need to get that done first, before I let my brain wander into my dilemma of WTF is my plot?!  Conflict?? What conflict?!

Sooo, I thought I'd share things I've written in the distant past. ha.  I'm guessing everyone who's bothering to read this (I love my friends!), has already seen them, but well, here they are again. ;)

Mistress and Her Pets

Demands of a Racing Life

There are others, but I never posted them to the internets....or at least not under this name...  There is another I kinda want to share, since I think at least one woman I know might like it (though I feel I need to make the excuse that I wrote this when I was very young, legal and all, but young, so young):

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Succubus Demons

So... I learned only last night, from my 'I don't watch TV/pay attention to pop culture' (yeah right!) husband, that Showcase's new TV show Lost Girl is about a half breed Succubus!  Bah!  Now I feel kind of trite... Then, bless him, my husband (I guess I need to come up with a short form for him!) reminded me that there are only so many archetypes/stories & all authors are guilty of re-using characters and stories over and over again throughout history.

So yeah... I think I'll keep my half breed, thank you very much.

Especially since I've spent the better part of yesterday and two hours this morning working out the kinks in her species details!  It's very very thorough! Hell, it's 4.5 pages long!!

I totally admit to borrowing/being inspired by Larrissa Ione and her demons, but hell, this is NaNo, I'm not publishing this!  And besides, I need all the help/inspiration I can get.  I've never attempted anything half so long!

At some point, that likely won't be today, I need to work on my plot again.  I want to try the snowflake method my friend minxy whose done NaNo and won 5 years running), pointed me to.

I still don't know know I can actually sum up my work in one sentence. Or even three.  This worries me.  It tells me there isn't a cohesive enough plot. *sigh*

But right now I'm starving so if I don't eat, nothing else is getting done. Thought processes are all shut down until my belly is full! ha. It's a slave driver my belly.... or a show stopper... yeah, that makes more sense!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Imput? Opinions? HELP?!

So.... After my brilliant idea last night, about making my characters other-worldy, I'm totally torn.

Do I go with the story I started out with, two humans just trying to figure themselves out and find love??

Or do I add the paranormal?  Make him a were-rat (he just HAS to be a rat), and her some kind of succubus demon?  His being a were would totally explain why he's not living with his fiance, and why after two years he's still not married her... and why he's afraid of becoming a journalist....  It could also add to his dominate nature... he could be an alpha for his pack/Roudere(I might steal this from Anita Blake).  Not their king, surely, but an alpha nontheless....

For her..... well if she knew she a succubus demon, then that would be a perfect reason never to get close. I'd have to come up with a...plan for how her type of demon works.....  I like the idea of her 'coming of age', or like her having a maturation cycle(s) while she's dating Alejandro.... I am almost wondering if she should be ignorant of what she is... have him tell her... have her freak out and stop seeing him?  But WHO would she turn to? And how would that person then not be her love interest??? bah... Complicated!

If she knows what she is, then she can be waiting for her maturation.. it can be like with humans, it comes at a certain point, but never the exact same point... so for her it happens while she's dating A.  She's afraid after that to have sex with him too often, she doesn't want to literally love him to death.  But she needs sex, like we need food, or she'll die, so she starts fucking around? She pulls aways from A, and begins a slutty adventure of kinky sex?  Always looking for the same high she got with A, and not understanding why other men don't give it to her -- she has no idea A isn't exactly human....  Perhaps she can find out his secret all on her own by accidentally finding another were to play with?? hrmm....

Hum.... and can weres and seccubus demons have babies?? Do either of them want to breed?  These things usually end in a breeding couple.....  Perhaps she's only half demon??  I really need to work/figure/create this out if I want it to you know, acutally make some semblance of sense. Bah! Bah I say!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I feel I should apologise...

There is no plan for double penetration vampire sex in my NaNo novel.... unless things go very badly and I start writing out my heroines fantasy's... lol.

However, since that seems to be what gets me these days, I'm just going to have to come up with a story that involves such a threesome. Clearly we need more vampire DP action! I just don't have any vamps in my head right now, none of my own anyway. I'll have to let that percolate....

For now I'm trying to focus on my all too normal romance story.  Gods, it really is normal, isn't it? Well, if I can't come up with enough plot then I'll turn Alejandro into a were animal(rat, wolf, kitty cat?) that's trying to hide his true nature from the two women in his life.....  Perhaps my heroine can be half succubus demon that comes of age at 25. *giggles* SEX! SEX! SEX Must have sex, or she'll DIE!

See, this is what happens when it's late and I pull shit out of my ass. ;)  I may or may not use this... Anything to add plot complexity can't be all bad, can it??

Status Update

Still working away on my plot..and I'm finally getting excited... I think I might actually be able to do this!! :D :D :D


No, I'm not talking Lady Gaga.

Before that song came out, and I admit it, I rather like it, I had a dream about a man named Alejandro.  I'm sure it was inspired, in part, by Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake Series... I think I was just reading about the were-rats, when we really get to see them shine.. Rafael is all over Alejandro in a big sexy way.

It was a long dream, but the story was very foggy. The one question I woke up with was, how could my heroine, the woman's whose shoes I was literally wearing, be the mistress of an engaged man, and be okay with it?  Screw morality, logically, it's just not sound.  If he'll like to the woman he's going to marry, he sure as fuck will lie to the woman he's sleeping around with!  Yet someone there was so much peace in her.  She'd accepted her place, she just wanted to be near him...

I can't write that. I don't understand it.  But I can understand trying to be at peace with it.  I can understand 'taking what you can get'.  I can understand closing your heart off, being his friend, and fucking his brains out.  That I can do.  So that's what I think I'm going to write.

I've been looking for a conflict, for something more. Because a good romance always has to have something in the way of the couple. There has to be some kind of problem the two of them have to overcome.  Usually it's external, in the books I've read. Like a crazy stalker that wants to kill one of them, or a curse that will kill one of them if they fall in love, or one of them gets kidnapped.  Someone needs saving...there is violence to bring them together.  I don't have that here. If I wanted to add would go somewhere dark, somewhere I don't think I want this to go. This, sadly, isn't about werewolves, or vampires, or demons.  Just about a man who needs to grow up, and a woman trying desperately not to fall in love with the man she wants him to be.

Though... see.. right there. I want this to be from HER point of view. Yet...she doesn't really have any issues of her own.  She isn't...interesting enough.. I think perhaps I need to give her general trust issues. Not just with the almost-married man.  That would explain why she did so well with him. She was never in danger of loving him. Only when she starts dating and playing with other people does she realise this.  It wasn't just him.  It was her.  She doesn't trust anyone.  So even after Alejandro sorts out his own shit he still has to overcome her wall of distrust.....

Is that enough for a romance novel????  I just... I don't know.  BAH!

First Post! Blog Cherry goes Pop!

Hello all!

So, this is totally an experiment for me.  I haven't written in awhile, but I want to get back on the saddle, so to speak.

In an attempt to be brave, or maybe just crazy, I've signed up for NaNo.  50,000 words in a month. o.0  I'm not sure if I can do it, but I really want to try.

I find that when I write I have...TERRIBLE typing & spelling, seriously!  You'd think I'd get better with time, but noooooo.  Practice does not make perfect!  As I like to say, Practice makes Plateau.

But what I was trying to say, was that I have a horrible compulsion to go back and fix everything, as I write it.  I just can't leave well enough alone.  This is the major reason why so much of what I want to write, so much of what I start, just never gets finished --- because I never let myself go and just write.  NaNo is going to force me to do this if I want to get even close to the goal.  Hopefully it will be a freeing experience.  It doesn't have to be good, it doesn't even have to make sense, I just need to let my brain go and just write.  I'm hoping I can do it.... I'm so not sure if I can.  But I'm going to try damnit.

So, to that end, I've started this blog.  I need a place where I can vent my ideas.  Where I can try to come up with some kind of plot.  I so can't talk about this on my personal blog because well... family reads that. They so do not need to know that I have a thing for double penetration sex with vampires!  Or that I have a scene I just thought up last night where my yet unnamed heroine tops a man, and makes him cum by biting his hot....  But yeah, family and vanilla friends to NOT need to know these things!