Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I'm really proud of what I've accomplished.  And I really want to share at least part of it with you, my dear readers.   But I'm unsure of what to share. doh.

I kinda want to share the ending two paragraphs for my main characters, but I dunno if that is actually a good idea.

Bah, maybe I should just leave it the hell alone until after Christmas and then see what I have....  So torn.  I know it's NaNo, and it's supposed to be just an explosion of words... But right now that explosion of words is my baby, and I love just about every bit of it.  Doh.  Clearly I need an editor!

Final NaNo Word Count

56,156 words! 

9,759 of those since midnight last night!

Take THAT NaNoWriMo!!

I'm a Weeeeeeener!!!!

51,079 words!!!!!!

I did it!!!!

Aaaaand, I still have tomorrow to finish the scene and tie in my two story lines!  I'm not sure I can get all of it done, but hopefully most!

Yaaaay!! I did it! I did it! I did it!!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Word Count!

46,397 words total!! 

3,603 words left to go!

But they will have to wait until tomorrow, bedtime now, finally.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


So yesterday I somehow managed to write 3,000 words, in the two hours I was on the GO bus going back and forth from a family function.

It was a long-ass day, and very tiring for me. I went to bed early and ended up sleeping for 12 hours!! o.0  And I'm still tired, so I'll likely need a nap this afternoon.

I'm really impressed with myself though.  3,000 words in two hours is likely a record for me!

This means I have 11,000 words to go.  In three days. oie vey. I don't know if I'm going to make it, but I'm going to try.  And my hubby is being a total slave driver about it. He keeps telling me to write, and write until my eyes bleed. It's totally annoying, and also really nice that he's being so supportive.

Off to write!  Though.. I've hit at impass on one side.  My assassin has finished her job and made it safely home.  Now I'm really not sure what to do with her next.  Do I show her at home relaxing??  Do we catch up with her on her next job??  I don't even know what her next job should be!!  If I'm following my dream, then there's stealing a car, running from the feds, a car chase, a car crash, and my girl walking away with a nasty head wound...  Why she had to steal a car, or why the feds are chasing her I have no idea. I'm not even sure we need to know why she's being chased, but it would likely be a better story if we knew why she was at a convention centre type place, and why she had to steal a car to leave, and didn't have a ride of her own... hrm...

Anyway, that bit clearly has kinks to work out.  The other bit that's the love story, I know where it needs to go, I just think I'm shit at writing arguments.  I'm not very good at arguing in the first place so yeah.. But it doesn't have to be perfect, it's a rough draft!  Even my favourite author says she struggles to get dialogue right, so I'm in good company. :)

Wish me luck!

Maybe I need to throw another random sex scene in there somewhere. ha.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Word Count.

Wrote approx. 4,800 words tonight, in....just over 5 hours?  Really not bad for me!!

36,634 total now, according to NaNo.

14,000 to go now.


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Continuity! It's important!

So I'm writing sex scene number three, and I realise, half way into the next portion of it that I forgot to remove the clothespins! Doh.  I mean, I made such a big thing about setting up a timer, and how you can't leave them on for long.  And then, by forgetting them, I left them on not only while they were snuggling, but while the pin wearer was face down, and having her ass beat! DOH!

Yeah.... So I fixed that! It totally worked out well, it made why whole scene make more sense and be more dramatic and stuff. So yay.

34,000 words. 16,000 to go. o.0  Yeah... right....

Blogger.com Stats

Okay, seriously, I shouldn't have looked at my stats. I'm 50% of my own audience!  That's just depressing.


Oh well. Maybe I'll figure out a way to make my blog more interesting once NaNo is over.. Or I'll just give it up entirely....

Any suggestions, oh phantom audience, for how to make this a better experience? What can I do to make this blog something people might want to read??

Ten Days....So help me Fria....

Since I can't share this bit of news on my other blog, and it's sex-related, as my blog is, I'm sharing it with ya'll.

Welcome to TMI Thursday Edition! ha.

Since getting married in October, I've had sex so few times I can count them on one hand!  *cries*  This isn't for lack of want on either side, but because my fucking cunt has been out of commission.  Damnit.  Between ineffective OTC treatments and freaking antibiotics, I've been too sore to wank or have sex 95% of the time!  OMG, I MISS ORGASMS!

Seriously folks, it's been a dry, depressing time for old Meghan here.  So!  I called my doctor today, and he told me the medication he gave me should help with what they found on the swab! This means in 10 days I should be able to have SEX again!!  And finally, I'll be able to use the new toy I bought all the way back in October that I only got to use once before all this set in!


Oh my gods, I cannot tell you how excited I am!!

I want to have so much sex I walk funny for days!  I want my man to pass out from too many orgasms in too short a time!  I want our apartment to reek of sex!  I want days of nothing but food, sex, and naked, snuggling naps.  Mmmmmm....  Want!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

NaNo Pep Talks

So, every week, heck, it feels like every few days or so, the folks at NaNoWriMo send out pep talks.  Some are by long time NaNo champs, others are by real, live, published authors.  Most of them are pretty good.  Some have made me laugh, many have made me feel less alone -- I'm not the only one struggling with word count!  But the latest one is just brilliant.

The most resent one, that I just received, made me smile and laugh out loud more than once.  I have to share the closing paragraph because it... It's just that wonderful damnit.

In short, quit. Writing a novel is a tiny candle in a dark, swirling world. It brings light and warmth and hope to the lucky few who, against insufferable odds and despite a juggernaut of irritations, find themselves in the right place to hold it. Blow it out, so our eyes will not be drawn to its power. Extinguish it so we can get some sleep. I plan to quit writing novels myself, sometime in the next hundred years. 
--Lemony Snicket

I plan to re-read this one many times.  I love it.  I love Lemony Snicket.  Heck, I have two of his? her? series even! And it's a kids book!  But I couldn't help myself.  Only lack of funds stopped me from buying the rest.  I really need to get myself a library card so I can read them! Sarcastic, funny, I just love the way Lemony writes.

And I now have some hope where before I had none.  I mean, I do kind of write for myself.  But really, if no one ever reads it, if no one ever likes it, then, well, it feels pointless.  But Lemony made such a good argument against writing, that I totally feel it's possible, someone out there might love my story they way I've loved things I couldn't share with my friends either. lol.  The hope that someone will love my work, the knowledge that that hope isn't far fetched, THAT is what makes me want to continue.  

Wow, that's a really vain reason to write isn't it?  Or maybe I'm just being realistic.  For me, writing can be fun, but usually it's frustrating, hard, fumbling, and sometimes really hot.  But it's work.  It's work that makes me feel like I've accomplished something.  It wakes my brain up, it excites me.  And yet....  I long for an audience.  I want so very much to be read, to have my work read, and liked, maybe even loved.  I have to finished it for this to happen, of course.  But I've been losing hope.  Losing hope that anyone would ever willingly read it. Lemony has given me some of that hope back.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I don't think I'm going to make it...

As of today, I'm 7,000 words down. Again.

This month has really not been kind to me, in terms of my health.  Chronic pain and crazy fatigue have eaten most of my time and energy leaving very little for anything else.

I really don't think I'm going to make it. :(

I'm still going to try.  I have to try.  But I'm so very tired, and so very very sore.  Today it even hurts to take a big breath because my back is so gods damn sore. *sigh*  I'm a pathetic cripple is what.  And I have to go to Hamilton to the doctor's today.  I'm torn between bringing my laptop and not.  I don't know if I'll have the energy to even carry it never mind writing on the bus.


I suck. Bleck.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Word Count


Yay! I'm still a little over 3 grand under, but I made up almost 7 grand tonight!! wooohooo! Go me!!

Hopefully this means I can actually DO this thing.  I have a lot more story to go, I just need to....get writing!

But not tonight, it's very late!

Oh!  And I managed a sex scene that actually turned me on! Yes!! Hopefully I can continue that trend as well!! :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Word Count

As of tomorrow I'll be 7,000 words down.


Seven Thousand Words!

I haven't been able to write all last week really, or this week so far. I've been depressed, angry, and really freaking sore a lot.  Yeah, the two do tend to coincide.


Maybe tomorrow??  Gods in all the heavens, wish me luck!  I do not want to fail.  I especially do not want to fail for not trying hard enough!  I mean, if I give it my all, and I just don't make it, that's okay.  But I feel like I haven't been giving it/my book/my writing/whatever enough attention.  Time to fix that.  I gotta try.  I've just got to.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sneak Peak

I'm trying something new.  I don't know if it will work. I'm not sure it works now.  I just... I needed a change. I needed a way to channel my anger... so this is what I got:

Meanwhile in Hell.... 
Jazz turned a corner in the maze of an office building, her boots making barely a sound on the carpeted floor. She'd memorized the blueprints of the top few floors where she knew her mark would be. Thank gods too, since this place was all muted grey walls, charcoal carpeting, black tiled floors in the main areas, and ebony wooden doors. It was far too easy to get lost in here. Some of the art that was subtlety lit even looked like originals, not that that was what Jazz was after today.


I'm angry today.  The reasons are....too personal and complicated to get into.  None of you really want to hear them anyway.

What I really want to do is beat the living shit out of someone.  Perhaps a good fight scene would suffice.  I know I certainly do NOT want to write a sex scene.

In the Anita Blake novels her men often turn her anger into lust. That just does not work for me.  When I'm angry the last thing I want is sex.  You can't turn me on when I'm angry. You just can't.  You CAN make me laugh, if you're good, and THEN once the anger has dissipated you can make me lustful.  But I do not have a anger to lust switch.  I wish I did!  Then maybe I could write the fucking sex scene that's supposed to be next.

There is no violence in my story whatsoever. I had intentions to add some but... I just.... I couldn't figure out a way.  Perhaps what creativity I have doesn't go in that direction? And yet right now, I really want to try my hand at it!  I just wish I could figure out a way to make it happen in my story.

I'm also starting to second guess my POV.  Right now I've written the story entirely in first person of my heroine.  I'm kinda wanting to add in my man's POV.  I think it might be interesting to see how they are both hiding who they are, at least in part.... But maybe it can be some kind of great shock when she finds out??

Bah.  I just don't know.

And really, when is a half-succubus female engineer ever going to get into a fight?!

I'm doing flashbacks right now, so it all has to be relevant to how she got to the point in the story I'm all tying it back to.  A fight scene would just not work.  I'm not sure there is a fight scene room in any of my early bits of the story... *sigh*

I mean, this is very boy meets girl, boy fucks girl, girl pushes boy to follow dream, girl turns into monster and runs from boy.

That's my part one all summed up.

I really don't know where I could even add a fight in there. *sigh*

I would LOVE to see Alejandro fight someone though.... but I don't think I can fit it in right now. damnit.


Friday, November 12, 2010


They, the Nano people, say week two is a struggle, and boys oh boys, they aren't kidding.

I don't think it would be half so bad if I wasn't so gosh darn tired.  I also had/have a really nasty migraine today.  Boo.

Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow, as I have plans, and Sunday, please gods let it be Sunday, I can get some actual writing in.

At least I have an idea about where to go next in my scene.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Word Count



Cause I feel the need to share.....

A snipet of what my hard work brought me today:
“I'm not made of glass,” I told him. 
“Huh?” He asked so confused he stopped thrusting. 
“Me, I'm not made of glass. You can fuck me harder than that you know.” I said pushing myself back up his cock for all I was worth. 
Alejandro groaned as I fucked myself on his cock. 
“Harder, please..please... Please Alejandro, fuck me.. fuck me,” I begged as I pushed back, grinding my ass against his hard body. 
“Oh god Maddie...” Alejandro broke off, his hands going to him my hips again. 
He grabbed me hard, pulling me even tighter to him, then he pulled out and thrust hard into my body. If it wasn't for his hands on my hips, I think he would have moved me with the power of it. He kept thrusting, hard, and slow. A wonderful, delicious, tease.

By Tooth and Nail -- 18442

I feel like I fought for every word I managed today.  I only got about 2000 words in the whole day. o.0

I don't know as I even have an excuse. I was a little distracted.. but mostly I just... It was hard. This scene was just hard for me.  And I'm still bleeding exhausted from my three days of helping my friend. I don't regret helping her, I just wish it didn't eat at me like this.  I probably should have napped today. Instead I watched Scream 2. lol.  If I can, I may just watch #3 tomorrow.  Somehow, watching the beginning of two helped me find my muse to write at least part of this scene.

Now I just need to figure out where I should go from here. hrm....  My plot outline for this section is very... vague.  I will have to think on that, and review my notes.

Dirty Hot

"What do you like to be called?"


Yup. That's right.

So hot.

I wish I could use it, but.... I want my heroine to be the one with the Daddy complex.  She didn't *have* a father or a father-figure really, so it's not..... wrong to her.  She grew up wishing she had a "Daddy", big, strong, protector... As she got older, she wanted the same things, only from the man she wanted to fuck.  Realising your daddy image is sexy hot is..... well depending how your bent, it can just be damn convenient.  Getting a man to play daddy for you, that's harder.

ACDC + Codeine.

Today I'm desperate. Mostly, desperate to not hurt.  Yesterday I spent almost the entire day I think with my jaw locked.  I never realise I'm doing it until my jaw starts aching, and I give myself an even worse headache. It's my bad habit for dealing with pain. I'm trying to break myself of it, but it sure ain't easy. So, today, I've taken muscle relaxants, in the hopes that my jaw will relax a little, and some tylenol 2s in the hopes that they will help the headache I've had for the past 48 hours that is the reason I've been clenching my jaw.  When the pain gets so bad I'm nauseous and can't think... yeah, that's where I was an hour ago, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I'm self-medicating.  But then, it's OTC muscle relaxant, and doc approved pain-killers, so... this is what they are for.

Now I've got ACDC rocking in my amazing, wonderful headphones.  Hopefully I can get through this sex scene and on with this story. Though really, I'm kinda hoping the sex scene is actually interesting. lol.  But I'm too close to it, so I really can't tell one way or the other at this point.

My AKG K514 headphones were only $90(on sale, reg. $120 I think), but they have better sound than most of the $200-$300 headphones I tested. I love, love, love them.  Seriously.
Now.. To the sex... Let's hope I can make it interesting!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Do not attempt to write sex scenes when you are exhausted and you just want cuddles. Doh.  I'm also dealing with a lot of pain, which doesn't help.  Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow so I can write this damn scene.  Seriously. Bah.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Shyness and Sex scenes

I'm at about 13,000 words now, and I'm finally, just getting to my very first sex scene of the book/rough draft I'm writing.

And... I'm having trouble writing it.  I just....  It feels lack lustre.  It feel forced.  It feels... awkward.  I think some of my awkwardness is even rubbing off on my main character, poor woman.

But I guess, as my hubby pointed out, I know there are at least three of my friends that are going to want to read/skim this when I'm done.  Friends.  Not like, strangers, or people I fuck, so they know my kinks etc anyway.  But my friends.  That totally makes it more intimate.  Thinking about them reading it, yeah, it does make it harder.

I think also, though, just... writing something and knowing I'm going to be adding sexy bits into it, when it isn't just all sex... It's harder for me.  I feel like I've already set a tone, and now I'm trying to change it, and thus it's just...all that much harder.

I don't know. It could just be that I'm utterly exhausted.  I've spent three days helping a friend to study for a very important test for her career, and now I'm totally pooped.  I so could not work full time/live a 'normal' life. I did that for three days, just three days, and now I have black circles under my eyes, I'm fever, nauseous.  I also know from experience that it's going to take at least one day of just sleeping, and possibly two more days of mostly sleeping to get me back to normal, and not be feverish. If I'm unlucky I'm going to spend the next three days feeling like I have a flu kicking my ass. :(  Fibromyalgia is one tough fucking task-master.

Sooooo, I'm likely not even going to get to work on my book until Friday again. Boo! Saturday we have plans - last weekend of the Royal Ontario Winter Fair! So maybe, maybe sometime Sunday.  Nothing has fallen on my plate for next week yet, and I seriously hope it doesn't.  I'd like to get in some actual time writing. Not this hour here, hour there, stealing time while riding the GO bus.  It's really damn distracting to have people talking on their cell phones, and stop & go traffic. Makes me so nauseous!

Anyway.  I managed about 1000 per each hour on the bus, so not bad, I don't think.  Still, finding time is hard, and I don't work! I don't know how people do it when they have other/real jobs!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Word Count


Woohooo! I wrote, like, literally, 5,000++ words in 4 hours!! Go me!!  

I totally had help because I finished the never-ending scene, and went on to one that I'd plotted out almost entirely.  Now I'm onto my first sex scene.  Well... I've set it up anyway. I'm a little nervous to start it.  I will at some point, but not tonight. It's late, and I have to get up in the morning.  A good friend needs my help, so I'm schlepping my ass to Hamilton to do math. 

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Word Count.... Status Update

I didn't write today. Not in the right head-space for it. Just...couldn't bring myself to try.

By Sunday night I have to basically double my word count to get back on track.  *Sigh*  I'm totally not sure if I can manage this. I'm just... really... not. =/

Not really a Drabble.....

With a flip of her wrist Jass popped the door lock on a shiny lexus. She loved sports cars. The stick shift, the leather seats, the speed, and the way they responded all made her feel warm and fuzzy inside, as much as she could feel warm and fuzzy. Hazard of the job, that. Jass slid her long frame low into the drivers seat, out of sight. With quick, sure hands she got the car started. She checked behind her: three suits searching the parking lot, none near by. She belted up – safety first – put the car in reverse, and drove out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. She reached in her bag as she got to the road, found her ipod, and plugged it into the car jack. Music blared to life. She waved at the suit closest to the road, a satisfied smile on her face. He cursed, and started yelling into his earpiece as he jogged back to his standard issues SUV. Jass shook her head. Honestly, she thought, if they really wanted to bring her in, they should have sent some actual competition. Turning the volume up, she say at the top of her lungs because in this car, on the highway, no one could hear, “Welcome to the jungle! We got fun 'n' games. We got everything you want and honey we know the names. We are the people that can find whatever you may need. If you got the money honey, we got your disease... In the jungle. Welcome to the jungle–”

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Status Update

6,133 words officially.

Not where the schedule says I should be. I'm under. But close.

It's a first effort. I just spent the past two days traveling and visiting my parents. The fact I got anything done is an accomplishment in my eyes. :)  Though what tiny competitive streak I have sees how well my friend who has been doing this for five years is doing... and I feel a lot less proud, I feel disheartened kinda.. Amazed and impressed by her for sure, but very humbled.  Clearly I'm tired, admitting what a douche I am.

In other news, I feel like I'm in the never-ending scene right now. I need a way to.. speed things up... Though that may not make sense. We'll see. Tonight I can just tell I'm done. I'm tired. I've got a nasty headache.  My husband is in bed sleeping, it's time for night night.

So good night. :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I had such a good sleep. I needed it too!

I had this LONG convoluted dream about a haunted house, and a family moving in unaware.. I was their daughter and I did NOT want to go in that house....

Then there was a Tsunami, or rather a hint of one that never actually came.. in Hawaii.  There was a family that thought this was the end of days. Even long after it didn't happen, they were convinced...

The middle son was an outcast at his highschool. His older brother was a football star.  Middle brother surfed.  On the down low.  Places where his classmates wouldn't find him. One day one of his favourite spots was overtaken by like a surfing squadron. They were from a private school. They all had shiny black and yellow uniforms/matching wetsuits.  They 'let' him stay the first day... he was in the water before hey were.  And he surfed as good as they did. better than some.  The captain/leader told him very good kid, now get out of here. outsiders are not welcome.

the son confeses to his parents he wants to go pro. he want attention now. he gets on some game show, they offer him a full scholarship to some land-locked school and he turns them down.  His faher didn't follow his dream and although happy, he still has regretted it his whole life.

He ends up going to the school, being one of their star surfers. They do some kind of surfing group competition but he loses it for his team when a little girl falls into the icy water and can't get herself out. she has luckimaia... the team ends up making her their mascott and does events to raise money for her, and cancer charities. it takes them 10 years, but they all keep at it and evetually raise 250 million!

There was also this odd sequence of being... native?  like honey skinned on some kind of tropical island, and running. being refugees. in huge groups. mass exsodus from somewhere on foot.... I don't know where that fits in.

I was also some kind of AWOL CIA agent. The dream clearly changes here.  Assassin on the run. killing, stealing cars, whatever it took to stay alive and running.  i knew lots of languages, lots of weapons, lots of ways to kill.  I killed one double agent that was trying to take me in by convincing him to take his seat belt off.  then I put on the breaks. he impalled himself with his own finger when the air bags exploded.

I have the weirdest dreams!  I'm wiritng them here so I won't forget.  Maybe I can make stories out of one of them at least.

Back On Track!

3495!! :D :D :D

Back on track in terms of word count, that is.  I should have gone to bed an hour ago. I'm exhausted. I did a lot today life-wise.  Hopefully I can sleep, and sleep in.

Tomorrow I'm going to my parents to spend some time with them. Tonight has proved to me that it won't necessarily hurt my word count.  I just need to write write write and not worry if it isn't great or particularly interesting or any of things I normally freeze over. It's a rough draft. Seeing as I've never written anything close to 50,000 words, I am just hoping to get there, not to get there gracefully.

If there ends up being anything of worth in what I've written great!  I can take the story through many iterations in January! I say January because I'm going to want a freaking break in December, besides, walking away for a bit is healthy I think.  Kim Harrison does it, and she's like my idol.  She writes my most favourite stories.  I don't aim to be like her.... not now.  Maybe 10 books from now...  Maybe...

I'm convinced the more I write, the better I'll get.  Better at letting go.  Better at listening to my characters. Better at making them feel real.  Better at making their story compelling.  All sorts.  I used to write better than I do right now, so I know I can get at least a little better.  I really do believe practice makes plateau, but I'm also sure I'm not on or (maybe?) even near mine.

Now to figure out how to get my last two paragraphs on my phone so I can write on the ride home to Hamilton tomorrow!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

4 Hours Sleep! :(

This is not the way I like to start my day, let me tell you!  Didn't get to sleep until midnight, woke up at 4am, hungry and unable to go back to sleep. At first I thought it was just acid reflux. No such luck.  By the time hubby's alarm went off I was ravenous.  I hate sleeping in fits and starts like this! And I'm not going to be able to sleep all morning, I have company coming over. But I will have to nap today at some point or I'm just going to make myself sick with exhaustion. *sigh*

On the bright side, I've mapped out my first 'scene', or maybe it's a chapter? I'm not sure yet. But at least now I know what I want to happen!

I do not, however, want to spend tomorrow early morning mapping out the next one! ugh. I hope I can get some real sleep soon.

Maybe if I figure out today how to go from first kiss to first fuck I'll be able to sleep better....  I refuse to let them happen in the same night. I want this to go slowly.... but I'm not entirely sure I want to write all that.. that's not the story I'm really interested in...never have been from the start...perhaps I started my novel in the wrong spot... hrm...

I'm so tempted to tweak. I'm only 700 words in.  But if I tweak now, I may never get beyond 700 words!  No no.  This is not the time for revisions.  I'll have to muddle through somehow....  If I ever manage a second draft, then I can tweak then.

It's acceptable to skip time in a novel isn't it??  Maybe we can meet the best friend... flesh her out a bit.... I really want to just skip ahead here.. really really.  maybe I will tweak.... There beginning is just so not important to me.... gods I'm such a bitch...

Is it acceptable to begin a novel with a montage? LOL

Monday, November 1, 2010

It's a start....

723 words. That's how many I managed today.  It's a start right?  At least I got something on 'paper'.  I was worried I'd choke and have nothing to show for today.  Well, not nothing, but nothing to help WORD COUNT.

I have approx. 24 printed pages (large font though) of character descriptions & plot points/scenes.  Mostly have I have it scened out.  Like what I want to happen in the scene.  I still don't have an ending, but I'm hoping as I get into it my characters can help me get there.

Tomorrow will have more novel writing than today, I'm hoping. I also get to spend some time with a friend, and at some point I need to go to the bank.  I'm such a housewife! ha.

Night all. Happy dreams!  Last night I had plot dreams, or rather dreams that may end up in my plot... maybe... likely. haha.


This late in the day, and I have a new character brewing in my head....  I think he wants to be called Nicholas.  He's a were-tiger that works for the master vamp my heroine is fucking/dating?

I'm trying very hard not to lean on Nathaniel in Antia Blake. ugh. Do not want.  But submissive?  Maybe....

I still haven't found another vamp to get that DP scene I so want.... maybe he will show up while I wander the demon hotel & casino. ha. I just.. I can't do a 'can I introduce you to my friend...we'd like to DP you now' thing. *sigh*  So I'm not sure if that will happen.

I need to think on Nicholas.....blond? I don't have a blond yet.. not a man anyway....  I think Nick wants to be blond and blue eyed.  blue, like the sky, on a clear day...  i just can't see him any other way. with shaggy blond hair that comes over his ears and tickles his neck.

Hrm.. I think I need food before my brain goes any further. =/

GAH, GAH, GAH I say!!

I've been working on my plot today.  For almost 6 hours. It's like a real full time job, this book writing thing.

And I still haven't written a single word of my book.  But... It's coming together. I think, I HOPE having this outline will make things make some sense.  I hope...

I'm excited writing it.  It feels like it's actually coming together to me. I'm trying so hard not to write Anita Blake or Larissa Ione clone.  I'm thinking I may not even have a happy ending with like one man... I really have more of a coming of age story than a romance.. I want things to end well....but in a place where more could totally happen, and 'happily ever after' isn't a guarantee....this is, of course, all dependent on me being able to actually WRITE something.

Gah! Gah!  GAH! I say.