Angry

I'm angry today.  The reasons are....too personal and complicated to get into.  None of you really want to hear them anyway.

What I really want to do is beat the living shit out of someone.  Perhaps a good fight scene would suffice.  I know I certainly do NOT want to write a sex scene.

In the Anita Blake novels her men often turn her anger into lust. That just does not work for me.  When I'm angry the last thing I want is sex.  You can't turn me on when I'm angry. You just can't.  You CAN make me laugh, if you're good, and THEN once the anger has dissipated you can make me lustful.  But I do not have a anger to lust switch.  I wish I did!  Then maybe I could write the fucking sex scene that's supposed to be next.

There is no violence in my story whatsoever. I had intentions to add some but... I just.... I couldn't figure out a way.  Perhaps what creativity I have doesn't go in that direction? And yet right now, I really want to try my hand at it!  I just wish I could figure out a way to make it happen in my story.

I'm also starting to second guess my POV.  Right now I've written the story entirely in first person of my heroine.  I'm kinda wanting to add in my man's POV.  I think it might be interesting to see how they are both hiding who they are, at least in part.... But maybe it can be some kind of great shock when she finds out??

Bah.  I just don't know.

And really, when is a half-succubus female engineer ever going to get into a fight?!

I'm doing flashbacks right now, so it all has to be relevant to how she got to the point in the story I'm all tying it back to.  A fight scene would just not work.  I'm not sure there is a fight scene room in any of my early bits of the story... *sigh*

I mean, this is very boy meets girl, boy fucks girl, girl pushes boy to follow dream, girl turns into monster and runs from boy.

That's my part one all summed up.

I really don't know where I could even add a fight in there. *sigh*

I would LOVE to see Alejandro fight someone though.... but I don't think I can fit it in right now. damnit.

**frustrated**

Cause I feel the need to share.....

A snipet of what my hard work brought me today:

“I'm not made of glass,” I told him. 

“Huh?” He asked so confused he stopped thrusting. 

“Me, I'm not made of glass. You can fuck me harder than that you know.” I said pushing myself back up his cock for all I was worth. 

Alejandro groaned as I fucked myself on his cock. 

“Harder, please..please... Please Alejandro, fuck me.. fuck me,” I begged as I pushed back, grinding my ass against his hard body. 

“Oh god Maddie...” Alejandro broke off, his hands going to him my hips again. 

He grabbed me hard, pulling me even tighter to him, then he pulled out and thrust hard into my body. If it wasn't for his hands on my hips, I think he would have moved me with the power of it. He kept thrusting, hard, and slow. A wonderful, delicious, tease.

Plot Blocked!

So I'm stumped.  I get to the same point in the story and I think: now what??!?

*Sigh*

I have all kinds of personal issues.  I've figured out my man's. He was easy.  My heroine - not so much.

I mean, intimacy issues aside, how does a sorta shy, sexually desperate woman find multiple partners to be at her beck and call??  She won't have just anyone. I'm not comfortable at all with the thought of the men she does meet passing her around their pack/friends. Not cool. I wouldn't let it happen to me, so neither will she.  But she still needs sex.

Perhaps I need to make her problem a little more solvable?! I mean... I was thinking three to four times a day... That means she needs to have a lunch break sex partner.. or even two during her work day... How could she even manage to work full time?!

Hum.... maybe she learns that if she feeds on dominant weres she doesn't need to feed as often?  But I want her to have vamp sex too! hrm... Hrmmm.. Damnit.

See?

Blocked.

Alejandro

No, I'm not talking Lady Gaga.

Before that song came out, and I admit it, I rather like it, I had a dream about a man named Alejandro.  I'm sure it was inspired, in part, by Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake Series... I think I was just reading about the were-rats, when we really get to see them shine.. Rafael is all over Alejandro in a big sexy way.

It was a long dream, but the story was very foggy. The one question I woke up with was, how could my heroine, the woman's whose shoes I was literally wearing, be the mistress of an engaged man, and be okay with it?  Screw morality, logically, it's just not sound.  If he'll like to the woman he's going to marry, he sure as fuck will lie to the woman he's sleeping around with!  Yet someone there was so much peace in her.  She'd accepted her place, she just wanted to be near him...

I can't write that. I don't understand it.  But I can understand trying to be at peace with it.  I can understand 'taking what you can get'.  I can understand closing your heart off, being his friend, and fucking his brains out.  That I can do.  So that's what I think I'm going to write.

I've been looking for a conflict, for something more. Because a good romance always has to have something in the way of the couple. There has to be some kind of problem the two of them have to overcome.  Usually it's external, in the books I've read. Like a crazy stalker that wants to kill one of them, or a curse that will kill one of them if they fall in love, or one of them gets kidnapped.  Someone needs saving...there is violence to bring them together.  I don't have that here. If I wanted to add that...it would go somewhere dark, somewhere I don't think I want this to go. This, sadly, isn't about werewolves, or vampires, or demons.  Just about a man who needs to grow up, and a woman trying desperately not to fall in love with the man she wants him to be.

Though... see.. right there. I want this to be from HER point of view. Yet...she doesn't really have any issues of her own.  She isn't...interesting enough.. I think perhaps I need to give her general trust issues. Not just with the almost-married man.  That would explain why she did so well with him. She was never in danger of loving him. Only when she starts dating and playing with other people does she realise this.  It wasn't just him.  It was her.  She doesn't trust anyone.  So even after Alejandro sorts out his own shit he still has to overcome her wall of distrust.....

Is that enough for a romance novel????  I just... I don't know.  BAH!