Showing posts with label my health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my health. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Ow.
I do not want to work through my pain. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Or maybe scream. But if I start screaming I'm not sure I can stop.
Chronic Pain and Writing.
I live with chronic pain. Most of the time I'd say a do fairly well. Mind you, I can't hold down a job, but I can contribute to our little family by getting groceries, doing dishes, keeping the apartment clean, making soups, chili, muffins and the like.
For the past week now I've been flaring pretty badly. It's been an active fight to overcome/ignore the pain to the point I can use my brain for things like thinking and writing. I haven't had a lot of time where my brain was mine to use. Most of the time my brain shuts down it's higher functions in order to process less of the pain my body is wracked with.
When I'm in pain, I clench my teeth. I don't even notice I do it. I've tried to stop myself, but I don't seem capable. After the week I've had my mouth is in agony. My teeth ache root deep. The roots feel like hot spikes going into my jaw. It hurts to move my jaw at all. Eating is torture as it puts pressure on my teeth, and up the pain. Even soft things hurt.
I've been taking muscle relaxants. I even wore my night gaurd last night. But still I ache. It's horrible. It makes my whole face hurt, like someone has beat the shit out of me.
Needless to say, after all that, that it's very hard for me to find time when I'm not in agony, to write.
Today, the scene I need to write it one I've actually been looking forward to -- the first (only?) big sex scene in my novella. I think I might have to up the sex quotiant with like wanking/fantasy sessions in editing, but for now, first time my two MCs get together.
And you know what?! I can't fucking write it. My brain refuses to go there. I just. I can't. Goddess save me, I can't. It makes no sense. Sex is the only thing I've ever been sure I was good at writing, and now, now my brain refuses to process the scene.
What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I can even think to blame this on is the pain. I'm not sure I could write any other scene at the moment either. Just too much pain to go there. It overwhelms me. It crushes me. It beats me to a bloody mindless pulp.
I don't. I don't know what to do. How the fuck do I get myself to stop doing something that is as instinctual as breathing for me?! And how do I turn this ache down?! If I didn't think I knew the cause I'd be sitting in an ER somewhere begging for x-rays and pain killers. Man I wish I had some pain killers. *cries*
For the past week now I've been flaring pretty badly. It's been an active fight to overcome/ignore the pain to the point I can use my brain for things like thinking and writing. I haven't had a lot of time where my brain was mine to use. Most of the time my brain shuts down it's higher functions in order to process less of the pain my body is wracked with.
When I'm in pain, I clench my teeth. I don't even notice I do it. I've tried to stop myself, but I don't seem capable. After the week I've had my mouth is in agony. My teeth ache root deep. The roots feel like hot spikes going into my jaw. It hurts to move my jaw at all. Eating is torture as it puts pressure on my teeth, and up the pain. Even soft things hurt.
I've been taking muscle relaxants. I even wore my night gaurd last night. But still I ache. It's horrible. It makes my whole face hurt, like someone has beat the shit out of me.
Needless to say, after all that, that it's very hard for me to find time when I'm not in agony, to write.
Today, the scene I need to write it one I've actually been looking forward to -- the first (only?) big sex scene in my novella. I think I might have to up the sex quotiant with like wanking/fantasy sessions in editing, but for now, first time my two MCs get together.
And you know what?! I can't fucking write it. My brain refuses to go there. I just. I can't. Goddess save me, I can't. It makes no sense. Sex is the only thing I've ever been sure I was good at writing, and now, now my brain refuses to process the scene.
What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I can even think to blame this on is the pain. I'm not sure I could write any other scene at the moment either. Just too much pain to go there. It overwhelms me. It crushes me. It beats me to a bloody mindless pulp.
I don't. I don't know what to do. How the fuck do I get myself to stop doing something that is as instinctual as breathing for me?! And how do I turn this ache down?! If I didn't think I knew the cause I'd be sitting in an ER somewhere begging for x-rays and pain killers. Man I wish I had some pain killers. *cries*
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Feminist Porn Awards
The sixth annual Feminist Porn Awards, presented by Good for Her here in Toronto was last night. We had plans to go, but chronic illness and pain trumps any plans. We were able to make it to the Public Provocative Porn viewing the night before, happily. Man, that was fun! There was some April Flores (my favorite!) pieces, so hot, and the last clip was of a film called Mommy is Coming, which is still being edited. Oh em gee! It was funny and sexy and just wonderful. I can't wait for it to come out!
Tristan Taramino introduced the viewing, and her speech was very inspiring. I know that might sound trite, even to me, but her words are making me question...my decision to edit myself. What I mean is, I write porn. I've tried writing other things, but in the end, what moves me, what interests me is porn, or at least stories where the sex isn't edited out. I love sex; it's a huge part of my life. When I write, I write about people like me, people for which sex isn't some passing thing, but is an integral part of their lives, and affects their decision making. Tristan made me feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing to admit it, no to own it.
There was a panel discussion before the porn viewing where the directors, and one actress discussed what brought them to porn, and what motivated them to make the porn they do. I heard the same answers over and over from them: they couldn't find porn where their own bodies, their own passions were represented; they wanted to make porn that would speak to them, to who they were, and what they desired.
At the time, I didn't think the discussion spoke to me, but now, now it makes me wonder if it really isn't a bad thing to write about women like me. You see, I've been trying to hide, or rather disguise, the fact that most of my heroines are some reflection of me. It felt like cheating. Like I should be writing about someone wholly unrelated to me, that I should be completely making it up. But most of the female authors I read have heroines that are a reflection of them, at least physically, and I'm sure part of them comes out too. I mean, it has to doesn't it? I've read that for some writers their work is a reflection of their life in some way, and for other writers it's really not. One way isn't better than the other; what does it matter as long as the story is interesting? Right?
My hubby and I are thinking about going to a kink party in May. The theme is Horror, Horror movies, Horror novels, the whole Friday the 13th is a bloody day thing. In trying to figure out what kind of costume/outfit to wear, I was once again faced with the issue that women like me aren't in any books or any movies, horror or otherwise. You just never see a fat chick as the heroine, hell, you almost never see a side character that is fat and female. Curvy, voluptuous, sure - on occasion, but not fat, not truly fat. And that's me. I'm fat. I'm not curvy; I'm way beyond curvy. I don't even have giant boobs to offset it! I'm totally jealous of women with nice racks. I mean, I'm not flat chested, I have boobs, but they aren't the first thing you see when you look at me, ya know?
Anyway, the point is, I don't feel like I'm being represented, physically or even mentally in movies or novels, at least none I've read, and certainly not in the type of books I love. I love paranormal books, mystery, violence, sex, vampires, werewolves, stories where the things that go bump in the night are real, and want to eat you.
So maybe it's a good thing to write about women like me. Women of size, us fat chicks, and women of unabashed lust, us women who like sex and aren't going to apologize for it.
Tristan Taramino introduced the viewing, and her speech was very inspiring. I know that might sound trite, even to me, but her words are making me question...my decision to edit myself. What I mean is, I write porn. I've tried writing other things, but in the end, what moves me, what interests me is porn, or at least stories where the sex isn't edited out. I love sex; it's a huge part of my life. When I write, I write about people like me, people for which sex isn't some passing thing, but is an integral part of their lives, and affects their decision making. Tristan made me feel like it wouldn't be a bad thing to admit it, no to own it.
There was a panel discussion before the porn viewing where the directors, and one actress discussed what brought them to porn, and what motivated them to make the porn they do. I heard the same answers over and over from them: they couldn't find porn where their own bodies, their own passions were represented; they wanted to make porn that would speak to them, to who they were, and what they desired.
At the time, I didn't think the discussion spoke to me, but now, now it makes me wonder if it really isn't a bad thing to write about women like me. You see, I've been trying to hide, or rather disguise, the fact that most of my heroines are some reflection of me. It felt like cheating. Like I should be writing about someone wholly unrelated to me, that I should be completely making it up. But most of the female authors I read have heroines that are a reflection of them, at least physically, and I'm sure part of them comes out too. I mean, it has to doesn't it? I've read that for some writers their work is a reflection of their life in some way, and for other writers it's really not. One way isn't better than the other; what does it matter as long as the story is interesting? Right?
My hubby and I are thinking about going to a kink party in May. The theme is Horror, Horror movies, Horror novels, the whole Friday the 13th is a bloody day thing. In trying to figure out what kind of costume/outfit to wear, I was once again faced with the issue that women like me aren't in any books or any movies, horror or otherwise. You just never see a fat chick as the heroine, hell, you almost never see a side character that is fat and female. Curvy, voluptuous, sure - on occasion, but not fat, not truly fat. And that's me. I'm fat. I'm not curvy; I'm way beyond curvy. I don't even have giant boobs to offset it! I'm totally jealous of women with nice racks. I mean, I'm not flat chested, I have boobs, but they aren't the first thing you see when you look at me, ya know?
Anyway, the point is, I don't feel like I'm being represented, physically or even mentally in movies or novels, at least none I've read, and certainly not in the type of books I love. I love paranormal books, mystery, violence, sex, vampires, werewolves, stories where the things that go bump in the night are real, and want to eat you.
So maybe it's a good thing to write about women like me. Women of size, us fat chicks, and women of unabashed lust, us women who like sex and aren't going to apologize for it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Long Time No Write....
True on so many levels. I haven't actually written anything since NaNo. I haven't even gone back to edit my work -- something I still vow to do. Which reminds me, I need to add "buy printer paper" to my list of things to do, or I'll never get it edited. I'm one of those writers who likes to see things on a real live page. Somehow it just makes it all so much more clear in my head for me to be able to lay it out page by page, physically in front of me.
So what have I been up to lately? Reading romance novels, trying to survive the winter with a chronic illness that kicks my ass ten times harder in the cold, and well, just trying to have some semblance of a life. Living with chronic illness makes that last one harder than healthy people would think! But really, three months into being married, and I'm still totally a newlywed, and all stupidly gooey happy to be married; it makes everything else seem unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
I do have a bit of exciting news though, well for me anyway -- I'm going to take a creative writing course at UofT in April! If that goes well, I am thinking of taking/looking into their 'certificate in creative writing'. It's in their Continuing Education department, which means anyone over 18 can take it, which is good for me since my grades weren't good enough to get me into grad school. Still, it sounds a lot like a master's program to me, which is kinda neat. What I'm really excited about is the fact that the course sounds actually useful and helpful! I love to write, but the one thing that's always plagued me is how to put a story together to have a meaningful/exciting/coherent arc over a whole novel. I've just never written anything that long before. So, I think a little training certain can't hurt! Excited!!
So what have I been up to lately? Reading romance novels, trying to survive the winter with a chronic illness that kicks my ass ten times harder in the cold, and well, just trying to have some semblance of a life. Living with chronic illness makes that last one harder than healthy people would think! But really, three months into being married, and I'm still totally a newlywed, and all stupidly gooey happy to be married; it makes everything else seem unimportant in the grand scheme of things.
I do have a bit of exciting news though, well for me anyway -- I'm going to take a creative writing course at UofT in April! If that goes well, I am thinking of taking/looking into their 'certificate in creative writing'. It's in their Continuing Education department, which means anyone over 18 can take it, which is good for me since my grades weren't good enough to get me into grad school. Still, it sounds a lot like a master's program to me, which is kinda neat. What I'm really excited about is the fact that the course sounds actually useful and helpful! I love to write, but the one thing that's always plagued me is how to put a story together to have a meaningful/exciting/coherent arc over a whole novel. I've just never written anything that long before. So, I think a little training certain can't hurt! Excited!!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tired
So yesterday I somehow managed to write 3,000 words, in the two hours I was on the GO bus going back and forth from a family function.
It was a long-ass day, and very tiring for me. I went to bed early and ended up sleeping for 12 hours!! o.0 And I'm still tired, so I'll likely need a nap this afternoon.
I'm really impressed with myself though. 3,000 words in two hours is likely a record for me!
This means I have 11,000 words to go. In three days. oie vey. I don't know if I'm going to make it, but I'm going to try. And my hubby is being a total slave driver about it. He keeps telling me to write, and write until my eyes bleed. It's totally annoying, and also really nice that he's being so supportive.
Off to write! Though.. I've hit at impass on one side. My assassin has finished her job and made it safely home. Now I'm really not sure what to do with her next. Do I show her at home relaxing?? Do we catch up with her on her next job?? I don't even know what her next job should be!! If I'm following my dream, then there's stealing a car, running from the feds, a car chase, a car crash, and my girl walking away with a nasty head wound... Why she had to steal a car, or why the feds are chasing her I have no idea. I'm not even sure we need to know why she's being chased, but it would likely be a better story if we knew why she was at a convention centre type place, and why she had to steal a car to leave, and didn't have a ride of her own... hrm...
Anyway, that bit clearly has kinks to work out. The other bit that's the love story, I know where it needs to go, I just think I'm shit at writing arguments. I'm not very good at arguing in the first place so yeah.. But it doesn't have to be perfect, it's a rough draft! Even my favourite author says she struggles to get dialogue right, so I'm in good company. :)
Wish me luck!
Maybe I need to throw another random sex scene in there somewhere. ha.
It was a long-ass day, and very tiring for me. I went to bed early and ended up sleeping for 12 hours!! o.0 And I'm still tired, so I'll likely need a nap this afternoon.
I'm really impressed with myself though. 3,000 words in two hours is likely a record for me!
This means I have 11,000 words to go. In three days. oie vey. I don't know if I'm going to make it, but I'm going to try. And my hubby is being a total slave driver about it. He keeps telling me to write, and write until my eyes bleed. It's totally annoying, and also really nice that he's being so supportive.
Off to write! Though.. I've hit at impass on one side. My assassin has finished her job and made it safely home. Now I'm really not sure what to do with her next. Do I show her at home relaxing?? Do we catch up with her on her next job?? I don't even know what her next job should be!! If I'm following my dream, then there's stealing a car, running from the feds, a car chase, a car crash, and my girl walking away with a nasty head wound... Why she had to steal a car, or why the feds are chasing her I have no idea. I'm not even sure we need to know why she's being chased, but it would likely be a better story if we knew why she was at a convention centre type place, and why she had to steal a car to leave, and didn't have a ride of her own... hrm...
Anyway, that bit clearly has kinks to work out. The other bit that's the love story, I know where it needs to go, I just think I'm shit at writing arguments. I'm not very good at arguing in the first place so yeah.. But it doesn't have to be perfect, it's a rough draft! Even my favourite author says she struggles to get dialogue right, so I'm in good company. :)
Wish me luck!
Maybe I need to throw another random sex scene in there somewhere. ha.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Ten Days....So help me Fria....
Since I can't share this bit of news on my other blog, and it's sex-related, as my blog is, I'm sharing it with ya'll.
Welcome to TMI Thursday Edition! ha.
Since getting married in October, I've had sex so few times I can count them on one hand! *cries* This isn't for lack of want on either side, but because my fucking cunt has been out of commission. Damnit. Between ineffective OTC treatments and freaking antibiotics, I've been too sore to wank or have sex 95% of the time! OMG, I MISS ORGASMS!
Seriously folks, it's been a dry, depressing time for old Meghan here. So! I called my doctor today, and he told me the medication he gave me should help with what they found on the swab! This means in 10 days I should be able to have SEX again!! And finally, I'll be able to use the new toy I bought all the way back in October that I only got to use once before all this set in!
Excited!!
Oh my gods, I cannot tell you how excited I am!!
I want to have so much sex I walk funny for days! I want my man to pass out from too many orgasms in too short a time! I want our apartment to reek of sex! I want days of nothing but food, sex, and naked, snuggling naps. Mmmmmm.... Want!
Welcome to TMI Thursday Edition! ha.
Since getting married in October, I've had sex so few times I can count them on one hand! *cries* This isn't for lack of want on either side, but because my fucking cunt has been out of commission. Damnit. Between ineffective OTC treatments and freaking antibiotics, I've been too sore to wank or have sex 95% of the time! OMG, I MISS ORGASMS!
Seriously folks, it's been a dry, depressing time for old Meghan here. So! I called my doctor today, and he told me the medication he gave me should help with what they found on the swab! This means in 10 days I should be able to have SEX again!! And finally, I'll be able to use the new toy I bought all the way back in October that I only got to use once before all this set in!
Excited!!
Oh my gods, I cannot tell you how excited I am!!
I want to have so much sex I walk funny for days! I want my man to pass out from too many orgasms in too short a time! I want our apartment to reek of sex! I want days of nothing but food, sex, and naked, snuggling naps. Mmmmmm.... Want!
Monday, November 22, 2010
I don't think I'm going to make it...
As of today, I'm 7,000 words down. Again.
This month has really not been kind to me, in terms of my health. Chronic pain and crazy fatigue have eaten most of my time and energy leaving very little for anything else.
I really don't think I'm going to make it. :(
I'm still going to try. I have to try. But I'm so very tired, and so very very sore. Today it even hurts to take a big breath because my back is so gods damn sore. *sigh* I'm a pathetic cripple is what. And I have to go to Hamilton to the doctor's today. I'm torn between bringing my laptop and not. I don't know if I'll have the energy to even carry it never mind writing on the bus.
*sigh*
I suck. Bleck.
This month has really not been kind to me, in terms of my health. Chronic pain and crazy fatigue have eaten most of my time and energy leaving very little for anything else.
I really don't think I'm going to make it. :(
I'm still going to try. I have to try. But I'm so very tired, and so very very sore. Today it even hurts to take a big breath because my back is so gods damn sore. *sigh* I'm a pathetic cripple is what. And I have to go to Hamilton to the doctor's today. I'm torn between bringing my laptop and not. I don't know if I'll have the energy to even carry it never mind writing on the bus.
*sigh*
I suck. Bleck.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Struggle
They, the Nano people, say week two is a struggle, and boys oh boys, they aren't kidding.
I don't think it would be half so bad if I wasn't so gosh darn tired. I also had/have a really nasty migraine today. Boo.
Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow, as I have plans, and Sunday, please gods let it be Sunday, I can get some actual writing in.
At least I have an idea about where to go next in my scene.
I don't think it would be half so bad if I wasn't so gosh darn tired. I also had/have a really nasty migraine today. Boo.
Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow, as I have plans, and Sunday, please gods let it be Sunday, I can get some actual writing in.
At least I have an idea about where to go next in my scene.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
By Tooth and Nail -- 18442
I feel like I fought for every word I managed today. I only got about 2000 words in the whole day. o.0
I don't know as I even have an excuse. I was a little distracted.. but mostly I just... It was hard. This scene was just hard for me. And I'm still bleeding exhausted from my three days of helping my friend. I don't regret helping her, I just wish it didn't eat at me like this. I probably should have napped today. Instead I watched Scream 2. lol. If I can, I may just watch #3 tomorrow. Somehow, watching the beginning of two helped me find my muse to write at least part of this scene.
Now I just need to figure out where I should go from here. hrm.... My plot outline for this section is very... vague. I will have to think on that, and review my notes.
I don't know as I even have an excuse. I was a little distracted.. but mostly I just... It was hard. This scene was just hard for me. And I'm still bleeding exhausted from my three days of helping my friend. I don't regret helping her, I just wish it didn't eat at me like this. I probably should have napped today. Instead I watched Scream 2. lol. If I can, I may just watch #3 tomorrow. Somehow, watching the beginning of two helped me find my muse to write at least part of this scene.
Now I just need to figure out where I should go from here. hrm.... My plot outline for this section is very... vague. I will have to think on that, and review my notes.
ACDC + Codeine.
Today I'm desperate. Mostly, desperate to not hurt. Yesterday I spent almost the entire day I think with my jaw locked. I never realise I'm doing it until my jaw starts aching, and I give myself an even worse headache. It's my bad habit for dealing with pain. I'm trying to break myself of it, but it sure ain't easy. So, today, I've taken muscle relaxants, in the hopes that my jaw will relax a little, and some tylenol 2s in the hopes that they will help the headache I've had for the past 48 hours that is the reason I've been clenching my jaw. When the pain gets so bad I'm nauseous and can't think... yeah, that's where I was an hour ago, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so I'm self-medicating. But then, it's OTC muscle relaxant, and doc approved pain-killers, so... this is what they are for.
Now I've got ACDC rocking in my amazing, wonderful headphones. Hopefully I can get through this sex scene and on with this story. Though really, I'm kinda hoping the sex scene is actually interesting. lol. But I'm too close to it, so I really can't tell one way or the other at this point.
My AKG K514 headphones were only $90(on sale, reg. $120 I think), but they have better sound than most of the $200-$300 headphones I tested. I love, love, love them. Seriously.
Now.. To the sex... Let's hope I can make it interesting!!
Now I've got ACDC rocking in my amazing, wonderful headphones. Hopefully I can get through this sex scene and on with this story. Though really, I'm kinda hoping the sex scene is actually interesting. lol. But I'm too close to it, so I really can't tell one way or the other at this point.
My AKG K514 headphones were only $90(on sale, reg. $120 I think), but they have better sound than most of the $200-$300 headphones I tested. I love, love, love them. Seriously.
Now.. To the sex... Let's hope I can make it interesting!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tip
Do not attempt to write sex scenes when you are exhausted and you just want cuddles. Doh. I'm also dealing with a lot of pain, which doesn't help. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow so I can write this damn scene. Seriously. Bah.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Shyness and Sex scenes
I'm at about 13,000 words now, and I'm finally, just getting to my very first sex scene of the book/rough draft I'm writing.
And... I'm having trouble writing it. I just.... It feels lack lustre. It feel forced. It feels... awkward. I think some of my awkwardness is even rubbing off on my main character, poor woman.
But I guess, as my hubby pointed out, I know there are at least three of my friends that are going to want to read/skim this when I'm done. Friends. Not like, strangers, or people I fuck, so they know my kinks etc anyway. But my friends. That totally makes it more intimate. Thinking about them reading it, yeah, it does make it harder.
I think also, though, just... writing something and knowing I'm going to be adding sexy bits into it, when it isn't just all sex... It's harder for me. I feel like I've already set a tone, and now I'm trying to change it, and thus it's just...all that much harder.
I don't know. It could just be that I'm utterly exhausted. I've spent three days helping a friend to study for a very important test for her career, and now I'm totally pooped. I so could not work full time/live a 'normal' life. I did that for three days, just three days, and now I have black circles under my eyes, I'm fever, nauseous. I also know from experience that it's going to take at least one day of just sleeping, and possibly two more days of mostly sleeping to get me back to normal, and not be feverish. If I'm unlucky I'm going to spend the next three days feeling like I have a flu kicking my ass. :( Fibromyalgia is one tough fucking task-master.
Sooooo, I'm likely not even going to get to work on my book until Friday again. Boo! Saturday we have plans - last weekend of the Royal Ontario Winter Fair! So maybe, maybe sometime Sunday. Nothing has fallen on my plate for next week yet, and I seriously hope it doesn't. I'd like to get in some actual time writing. Not this hour here, hour there, stealing time while riding the GO bus. It's really damn distracting to have people talking on their cell phones, and stop & go traffic. Makes me so nauseous!
Anyway. I managed about 1000 per each hour on the bus, so not bad, I don't think. Still, finding time is hard, and I don't work! I don't know how people do it when they have other/real jobs!
And... I'm having trouble writing it. I just.... It feels lack lustre. It feel forced. It feels... awkward. I think some of my awkwardness is even rubbing off on my main character, poor woman.
But I guess, as my hubby pointed out, I know there are at least three of my friends that are going to want to read/skim this when I'm done. Friends. Not like, strangers, or people I fuck, so they know my kinks etc anyway. But my friends. That totally makes it more intimate. Thinking about them reading it, yeah, it does make it harder.
I think also, though, just... writing something and knowing I'm going to be adding sexy bits into it, when it isn't just all sex... It's harder for me. I feel like I've already set a tone, and now I'm trying to change it, and thus it's just...all that much harder.
I don't know. It could just be that I'm utterly exhausted. I've spent three days helping a friend to study for a very important test for her career, and now I'm totally pooped. I so could not work full time/live a 'normal' life. I did that for three days, just three days, and now I have black circles under my eyes, I'm fever, nauseous. I also know from experience that it's going to take at least one day of just sleeping, and possibly two more days of mostly sleeping to get me back to normal, and not be feverish. If I'm unlucky I'm going to spend the next three days feeling like I have a flu kicking my ass. :( Fibromyalgia is one tough fucking task-master.
Sooooo, I'm likely not even going to get to work on my book until Friday again. Boo! Saturday we have plans - last weekend of the Royal Ontario Winter Fair! So maybe, maybe sometime Sunday. Nothing has fallen on my plate for next week yet, and I seriously hope it doesn't. I'd like to get in some actual time writing. Not this hour here, hour there, stealing time while riding the GO bus. It's really damn distracting to have people talking on their cell phones, and stop & go traffic. Makes me so nauseous!
Anyway. I managed about 1000 per each hour on the bus, so not bad, I don't think. Still, finding time is hard, and I don't work! I don't know how people do it when they have other/real jobs!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
4 Hours Sleep! :(
This is not the way I like to start my day, let me tell you! Didn't get to sleep until midnight, woke up at 4am, hungry and unable to go back to sleep. At first I thought it was just acid reflux. No such luck. By the time hubby's alarm went off I was ravenous. I hate sleeping in fits and starts like this! And I'm not going to be able to sleep all morning, I have company coming over. But I will have to nap today at some point or I'm just going to make myself sick with exhaustion. *sigh*
On the bright side, I've mapped out my first 'scene', or maybe it's a chapter? I'm not sure yet. But at least now I know what I want to happen!
I do not, however, want to spend tomorrow early morning mapping out the next one! ugh. I hope I can get some real sleep soon.
Maybe if I figure out today how to go from first kiss to first fuck I'll be able to sleep better.... I refuse to let them happen in the same night. I want this to go slowly.... but I'm not entirely sure I want to write all that.. that's not the story I'm really interested in...never have been from the start...perhaps I started my novel in the wrong spot... hrm...
I'm so tempted to tweak. I'm only 700 words in. But if I tweak now, I may never get beyond 700 words! No no. This is not the time for revisions. I'll have to muddle through somehow.... If I ever manage a second draft, then I can tweak then.
It's acceptable to skip time in a novel isn't it?? Maybe we can meet the best friend... flesh her out a bit.... I really want to just skip ahead here.. really really. maybe I will tweak.... There beginning is just so not important to me.... gods I'm such a bitch...
Is it acceptable to begin a novel with a montage? LOL
On the bright side, I've mapped out my first 'scene', or maybe it's a chapter? I'm not sure yet. But at least now I know what I want to happen!
I do not, however, want to spend tomorrow early morning mapping out the next one! ugh. I hope I can get some real sleep soon.
Maybe if I figure out today how to go from first kiss to first fuck I'll be able to sleep better.... I refuse to let them happen in the same night. I want this to go slowly.... but I'm not entirely sure I want to write all that.. that's not the story I'm really interested in...never have been from the start...perhaps I started my novel in the wrong spot... hrm...
I'm so tempted to tweak. I'm only 700 words in. But if I tweak now, I may never get beyond 700 words! No no. This is not the time for revisions. I'll have to muddle through somehow.... If I ever manage a second draft, then I can tweak then.
It's acceptable to skip time in a novel isn't it?? Maybe we can meet the best friend... flesh her out a bit.... I really want to just skip ahead here.. really really. maybe I will tweak.... There beginning is just so not important to me.... gods I'm such a bitch...
Is it acceptable to begin a novel with a montage? LOL
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