I'm at about 13,000 words now, and I'm finally, just getting to my very first sex scene of the book/rough draft I'm writing.
And... I'm having trouble writing it. I just.... It feels lack lustre. It feel forced. It feels... awkward. I think some of my awkwardness is even rubbing off on my main character, poor woman.
But I guess, as my hubby pointed out, I know there are at least three of my friends that are going to want to read/skim this when I'm done. Friends. Not like, strangers, or people I fuck, so they know my kinks etc anyway. But my friends. That totally makes it more intimate. Thinking about them reading it, yeah, it does make it harder.
I think also, though, just... writing something and knowing I'm going to be adding sexy bits into it, when it isn't just all sex... It's harder for me. I feel like I've already set a tone, and now I'm trying to change it, and thus it's just...all that much harder.
I don't know. It could just be that I'm utterly exhausted. I've spent three days helping a friend to study for a very important test for her career, and now I'm totally pooped. I so could not work full time/live a 'normal' life. I did that for three days, just three days, and now I have black circles under my eyes, I'm fever, nauseous. I also know from experience that it's going to take at least one day of just sleeping, and possibly two more days of mostly sleeping to get me back to normal, and not be feverish. If I'm unlucky I'm going to spend the next three days feeling like I have a flu kicking my ass. :( Fibromyalgia is one tough fucking task-master.
Sooooo, I'm likely not even going to get to work on my book until Friday again. Boo! Saturday we have plans - last weekend of the Royal Ontario Winter Fair! So maybe, maybe sometime Sunday. Nothing has fallen on my plate for next week yet, and I seriously hope it doesn't. I'd like to get in some actual time writing. Not this hour here, hour there, stealing time while riding the GO bus. It's really damn distracting to have people talking on their cell phones, and stop & go traffic. Makes me so nauseous!
Anyway. I managed about 1000 per each hour on the bus, so not bad, I don't think. Still, finding time is hard, and I don't work! I don't know how people do it when they have other/real jobs!